2012-Mission to Improve Self-esteem
To be of service to others, I do a lot of reading and research. Original thinking is fine but what I know and coach originated from others.
The biggest issues I help others to come to grips with are related to self-esteem. Today I share writing from Francine Ward, a lady I wish I had as a coaching client!
“Self-esteem comes from honouring your healing journey
My life is not perfect. I make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes, I stumble and fall. I am a work in progress. And when I remember that simple fact, I am better for the experience.
It's easy to start on a path of change and get so busy doing what we need to do that we forget to stop, breathe, and acknowledge the effort we've already made. We forget to honour our own healing journey. There are times when I have to be reminded to do for myself what I do for others. The other day, a friend caught me denigrating the work I put into a project because it wasn't done perfectly. When she asked how it was coming along, I said, "I can't seem to get it down perfectly. It's horrible." I then spent ten minutes - which was as long as she could tolerate my ranting - downplaying the work I had put into the project so far. She couldn't believe she was listening to me. "You could be one of your own clients," she said. And how right she was. I needed to be coached at that moment in time. And after our conversation, I called my coach.
Healing is hard work. It takes great effort to stay on a path that leads to purposeful self-discovery. It takes energy - persistent energy - to be an active participant in the creation of our lives. A healing path requires having the courage to shine a light or allow a light to shine on parts of ourselves that we'd rather keep private. It means having the courage to see the work that still needs to be done. Honouring our healing journey invites us to appreciate the effort that has been made.
It's important to heal and to honour the work done.”
What a great message, a message from someone who truly understands the path to achieving healthy self-esteem and one who appreciates the important role a coach plays.
Want to achieve more in your life in 2012 and live the life you were meant to? Get over your scepticism and give coaching a try! Contact me without obligation!
Showing posts with label addiction mentor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addiction mentor. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
2012
A NEW YOU IN 2012?
READY FOR CHANGE?
Here we are, 9 days in to a new year and most things back to normal. By now, a majority of people who have made resolutions have broken them
As you looked at a new year, what changes have you committed to make in how you live? More importantly, how are you going to make them? What has held you back?
Winston Churchill once said, “I’m always ready to learn, although I don’t always like being taught.” Can you relate?
A reminder to myself every January (and most days) is that I have no power over certain people, places and thinks and long ago I accepted completely that this includes alcohol, drugs and certain other behaviours (habits). As long as I keep this at the forefront, within reason my life has remained manageable.
I did not achieve this way of life on my own and had much help along the way. Over the past nearly two decades, I have had the good fortune to coach others and help them find the ability to make major change within themselves.
Do you want a new you in key areas of your life this year? Are you ready for change?
I am a change catalyst; please feel free to contact me in confidence.
READY FOR CHANGE?
Here we are, 9 days in to a new year and most things back to normal. By now, a majority of people who have made resolutions have broken them
As you looked at a new year, what changes have you committed to make in how you live? More importantly, how are you going to make them? What has held you back?
Winston Churchill once said, “I’m always ready to learn, although I don’t always like being taught.” Can you relate?
A reminder to myself every January (and most days) is that I have no power over certain people, places and thinks and long ago I accepted completely that this includes alcohol, drugs and certain other behaviours (habits). As long as I keep this at the forefront, within reason my life has remained manageable.
I did not achieve this way of life on my own and had much help along the way. Over the past nearly two decades, I have had the good fortune to coach others and help them find the ability to make major change within themselves.
Do you want a new you in key areas of your life this year? Are you ready for change?
I am a change catalyst; please feel free to contact me in confidence.
Monday, November 22, 2010
गोत ट्रस्ट इस्सुएस?
TRUST ISSUES?
It’s amazing how many people I run across that have major trust issues.
The causes vary. In the information below, you will find some thoughts on dealing with trust issues, and issues of trust that come up in relationships.
If you conclude that self-esteem or “the past” are the primary contributors to your “trust issues”, we should (www.hopeserenity.ca) talk! We can offer some suggestions that will help you deal with these issues.
Enjoy the information and I hope you find it helpful!
How to Solve Trust
Issues in a Relationship
How to Solve Trust Issues in a Relationship
At some point or another, you're likely to experience trust issues in your relationship.
Whether it's brought about by infidelity, a decrease in your own self esteem, your partner's
newly hired young assistant, or a simple change in your partner's behavior, your
relationship can weather this storm and rise above feelings of uncertainty.
Follow these tips to solve the trust issues you face so you can experience the
thriving relationship you deserve:
1. Work on your self-esteem. Many trust issues in relationships that were once thriving
stem from personal insecurities. If you've experienced significant changes in your
appearance or noticed a drop in your self-esteem, it's important to build up your
body image and self worth in order to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
• It's common to become suspicious of the company that your significant other is
keeping when your self-esteem plummets. The way you perceive yourself may be the
only thing in your relationship that has changed.
2. Reflect on your past. Did something happen in your childhood that has caused you
to become wary of trusting your heart to anyone? Did your parents choose to divorce
when you were young? Were you sexually abused in the past?
• These things and more can be responsible for your inability to trust others. When
you've endured emotional trauma, especially during your youth, its effects
can last decades. Speak to a therapist to help you find the root of the issue and learn
how to work past the event.
3. Talk about any indiscretions. If there has been infidelity within your relationship,
it's vital to hash out all hurt feelings and future expectations.
1
• If you've cheated, it's normal for your partner to act clingy for a while. They'll
want to know where you are, what you're doing, and what time you'll be home. They'll
ask if you'll be alone with anyone. Answer their questions truthfully and understand
that they are hurting.
4. Recommit yourself to one another. Sometimes a relationship needs a sign of
recommitment and devotion. Do something special together that signifies that your
love can and will overcome anything.
• If you're married, renew your vows to make it known that your love is abundant
and can rise over any obstacles that life may throw your way.
• If you're dating, go away on a relaxing day trip together and write a letter to each other
exclaiming your love and devotion.
5. Spend more time together. Both you and your partner are constantly changing
internally and your needs and wants are also subject to change. Ensure that
you're truly there alongside your partner to witness and be a part of those changes by
devoting more time to one another.
Trust is about more than believing that your partner will remain faithful. It's
about trusting that your partner will always be there for you in times of need, while also
being a prominent part of the most important events in your life. Work on your trust as
romantic partners - and as best friends - to truly guarantee a fruitful union.
2
It’s amazing how many people I run across that have major trust issues.
The causes vary. In the information below, you will find some thoughts on dealing with trust issues, and issues of trust that come up in relationships.
If you conclude that self-esteem or “the past” are the primary contributors to your “trust issues”, we should (www.hopeserenity.ca) talk! We can offer some suggestions that will help you deal with these issues.
Enjoy the information and I hope you find it helpful!
How to Solve Trust
Issues in a Relationship
How to Solve Trust Issues in a Relationship
At some point or another, you're likely to experience trust issues in your relationship.
Whether it's brought about by infidelity, a decrease in your own self esteem, your partner's
newly hired young assistant, or a simple change in your partner's behavior, your
relationship can weather this storm and rise above feelings of uncertainty.
Follow these tips to solve the trust issues you face so you can experience the
thriving relationship you deserve:
1. Work on your self-esteem. Many trust issues in relationships that were once thriving
stem from personal insecurities. If you've experienced significant changes in your
appearance or noticed a drop in your self-esteem, it's important to build up your
body image and self worth in order to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
• It's common to become suspicious of the company that your significant other is
keeping when your self-esteem plummets. The way you perceive yourself may be the
only thing in your relationship that has changed.
2. Reflect on your past. Did something happen in your childhood that has caused you
to become wary of trusting your heart to anyone? Did your parents choose to divorce
when you were young? Were you sexually abused in the past?
• These things and more can be responsible for your inability to trust others. When
you've endured emotional trauma, especially during your youth, its effects
can last decades. Speak to a therapist to help you find the root of the issue and learn
how to work past the event.
3. Talk about any indiscretions. If there has been infidelity within your relationship,
it's vital to hash out all hurt feelings and future expectations.
1
• If you've cheated, it's normal for your partner to act clingy for a while. They'll
want to know where you are, what you're doing, and what time you'll be home. They'll
ask if you'll be alone with anyone. Answer their questions truthfully and understand
that they are hurting.
4. Recommit yourself to one another. Sometimes a relationship needs a sign of
recommitment and devotion. Do something special together that signifies that your
love can and will overcome anything.
• If you're married, renew your vows to make it known that your love is abundant
and can rise over any obstacles that life may throw your way.
• If you're dating, go away on a relaxing day trip together and write a letter to each other
exclaiming your love and devotion.
5. Spend more time together. Both you and your partner are constantly changing
internally and your needs and wants are also subject to change. Ensure that
you're truly there alongside your partner to witness and be a part of those changes by
devoting more time to one another.
Trust is about more than believing that your partner will remain faithful. It's
about trusting that your partner will always be there for you in times of need, while also
being a prominent part of the most important events in your life. Work on your trust as
romantic partners - and as best friends - to truly guarantee a fruitful union.
2
Sunday, November 14, 2010
अत्तितुदे ADJUSTMENT
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
After a number of recent conversations and happenings, coupled with self reflection, I think the biggest change in my life over the past number of years has been an attitude adjustment.
Years ago, it was far too easy to fall into the negative.
One of my symptoms was frequently knocking others, finding the bad in them. Another was a sense of gloom that could take over the sunniest day. The gloom through me frequently into procrastination, I just couldn’t get things done unless my back was against a wall, and even then I was often late with “stuff”.
I could go on, and I know many can add to this. Today I know my problem was “attitude”.
Yes I had other issues. Safe to say I had an outward big ego coupled with inner fear and self loathing. What a dangerous combination. I created my own “Disney World” and found both mood altering substances and behaviours that would, for a short period, allow me to escape the real world and all its’ tough situations and live in my fantasy land. I could look into the future and see grandiose things happening-fame and fortune and the admiration of others coming my way. But man, truth of the matter was I did not want to deal with the real issue-me and my attitude toward life.
I have a good friend an author by the name of Paul McCabe who wrote a book of simple truths worth reading-“Feed the Good Dog”. One thing that Paul has drilled into me is a huge truth; “Life is tough”.
In years gone by, life was tough and I chose to escape to Disney World. Upon reflection, I would have to say the past decade has been as tough, maybe even tougher, yet I deal with it far differently and am an optimistic person who gets enjoyment out of nearly every day.
What happened?
With the fullness of hind sight, I can say simply that I have undergone a major change of attitude and address the causes of my problems. In doing this, I have been free of my “addictions” for an extended period of time and have a whole new set of skills in my life tool box that I can draw on.
There is an old saying; gratitude is an attitude and this is now a part of my subconscious daily living. Life remains with its difficulties but when the darkness starts up inside of me (and it does) I quickly focus on the many things I have to be grateful for. Each of us is capable of finding them if we learn how to find them! So I try to live daily with an attitude of gratitude and this has caused a major attitude adjustment in my life.
What a blessing to appreciate the good that has been bestowed on me; truly an unmerited gift but a gift I accept with thanks.
There was a process that I learned from others that brought me from a negative place and trips to “Disney World” to a place where I see sunshine just about daily. The attitude adjustment brought about with “guided growth” allows me to live in the real world and deal soberly with problems that used to baffle me.
Life at certain times remains tough, but from the tools gained from a variety of “life coaching” experiences, I live my days today with a whole new positive take on life.
If you look at life through anis, all you see is brown stuff. Today I like the place I look at life from, and it impacts on all around me. Most importantly, I like living in my own skin. This is a major positive attitude adjustment. (www.hopeserenity.ca / www.coached-to-success.com)
After a number of recent conversations and happenings, coupled with self reflection, I think the biggest change in my life over the past number of years has been an attitude adjustment.
Years ago, it was far too easy to fall into the negative.
One of my symptoms was frequently knocking others, finding the bad in them. Another was a sense of gloom that could take over the sunniest day. The gloom through me frequently into procrastination, I just couldn’t get things done unless my back was against a wall, and even then I was often late with “stuff”.
I could go on, and I know many can add to this. Today I know my problem was “attitude”.
Yes I had other issues. Safe to say I had an outward big ego coupled with inner fear and self loathing. What a dangerous combination. I created my own “Disney World” and found both mood altering substances and behaviours that would, for a short period, allow me to escape the real world and all its’ tough situations and live in my fantasy land. I could look into the future and see grandiose things happening-fame and fortune and the admiration of others coming my way. But man, truth of the matter was I did not want to deal with the real issue-me and my attitude toward life.
I have a good friend an author by the name of Paul McCabe who wrote a book of simple truths worth reading-“Feed the Good Dog”. One thing that Paul has drilled into me is a huge truth; “Life is tough”.
In years gone by, life was tough and I chose to escape to Disney World. Upon reflection, I would have to say the past decade has been as tough, maybe even tougher, yet I deal with it far differently and am an optimistic person who gets enjoyment out of nearly every day.
What happened?
With the fullness of hind sight, I can say simply that I have undergone a major change of attitude and address the causes of my problems. In doing this, I have been free of my “addictions” for an extended period of time and have a whole new set of skills in my life tool box that I can draw on.
There is an old saying; gratitude is an attitude and this is now a part of my subconscious daily living. Life remains with its difficulties but when the darkness starts up inside of me (and it does) I quickly focus on the many things I have to be grateful for. Each of us is capable of finding them if we learn how to find them! So I try to live daily with an attitude of gratitude and this has caused a major attitude adjustment in my life.
What a blessing to appreciate the good that has been bestowed on me; truly an unmerited gift but a gift I accept with thanks.
There was a process that I learned from others that brought me from a negative place and trips to “Disney World” to a place where I see sunshine just about daily. The attitude adjustment brought about with “guided growth” allows me to live in the real world and deal soberly with problems that used to baffle me.
Life at certain times remains tough, but from the tools gained from a variety of “life coaching” experiences, I live my days today with a whole new positive take on life.
If you look at life through anis, all you see is brown stuff. Today I like the place I look at life from, and it impacts on all around me. Most importantly, I like living in my own skin. This is a major positive attitude adjustment. (www.hopeserenity.ca / www.coached-to-success.com)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
READ THIS NOW! /Assertiveness/Transformation/Recovery
READ THIS NOW! /Assertiveness/Transformation/Recovery
Tuesday is school day, and this lesson was on assertiveness. My headline goes beyond assertive, it would be considered aggressive. Not a good style!
Each and every one of us should reflect on assertive. It is a key to really finding your life’s purpose and spiritually awakening. It is a skill every life coach should incorporate into their client work. I liked the definition of assertiveness as acting to get what wants while respecting the rights of others.
In all the areas I coach in, and the area I love to work in, mentoring clients affected by addictions, assertive is a skill all clients need to know, and put in to practice.
Many I have worked with understand two basic reactions to a problem-fight (be aggressive) or flight (be passive/hide). Somewhere in between is healthy behavior, being assertive, and it is a learned skill that gets better with practice.
I firmly believe that to be properly assertive, you must have a reasonable level of self-esteem. This is an area I really work with clients on, and through a well proven process. With out self esteem, it is likely not realistic for an individual to be properly assertive.
Cautions, never equate good self esteem as ego, and never equate assertiveness with aggression!
There are 10 Rules of Assertion that were taught to us today. They are wonderful, and I will gladly share them with anyone who contacts me directly, either by email or through my web site.
Being properly assertive is a great communication skill. It lets people know in a non offensive way what you think or feel. It makes clear what is required and allows an individual to politely say no-something many have trouble with.
When it comes to addiction recovery, I had to learn to say “no” to a lot of things over and above the substances and behaviors I was addicted to. I had to learn to recognize my own success as they happened, and reward myself in a healthy way. I had to learn to quit basing my positions on what others may think and learn that I had a right to an opinion and a right to be wrong and alter my opinions; and to express these things in an assertive, non disrespectful or offensive way.
I can attest, these were learned skills, they were not skills I had all on my own.
As I began to assert myself, I found resistance from some people in my life. I was exhibiting new behavior, and there is a natural resistance to behaviors that are new. Over time, I found people were pleased because they could clearly understand where I was coming from. I was pleased because I wasn’t bullying or being a wilting flower.
I have learned to take responsibility for my behavior and actions, and realize the key to my own happiness is me, not you. What a wonderful discovery!
One of my classmates gave a truism; we have to learn to pick up a mirror, not a magnifying glass, as we deal with people, places and things!!
Aren’t you glad you read this now? Did you not find a few things that may apply to your life?
I will move forward respecting that I have the right to be assertive, and so do you.
Interested in the 10 Rules of Assertion or learning how to assert you properly, feel free to get in touch!
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