PEOPLE PLEASIN'TIME OF THE YEAR
PEOPLE PLEASIN’ TIME OF THE YEAR
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.--Bill Cosby
I am so blessed to have the space I do to work in. Today my view through my windows is of crisp white snow and snow clinging to mature cedars at the back of our property. The view reflects the positive state I’m in a majority of the time, and I am eternally grateful for the changes in my life that allow me to see the beauty all around me.
Years ago, my favourite lady, my Aunt Ruth, used to take me to see Bill Cosby. This was well before he was a sitcom guy. I love both his comedy and wisdom. The quote above, which came as a part of a reading, was a good reminder for me today.
I, for one, spent many a year trying to please others. Pleasing others for a myriad of reasons was very important to me. I wanted love and wanted affirmation from others that I was OK.
If you can relate to this then please read on.
As Cosby states, trying to please everybody was a key to failure in many parts of my life. I had lost something critical to success; ME. I may have come across as self-centred and at times “insecure and needy”. Frequently I tried to I cover this by acting arrogant or superior. I know today that my actions were a cry out for security and that stemmed from a lack of self-esteem.
As I got older, things got worse. I became whatever person I thought would make others happy, and I sought affirmation of myself in all the wrong places and ways. I looked for all types of ways to fill the hole inside yet things got progressively worse, not better.
Christmas and the holiday time were the worst time of the year for my people pleasing. Look at the opportunities that come about, particularly with the ability to give the biggest and best present, to be flowery in cards I wrote and to be the best Christmas guy around.
When the smoke cleared after the celebrations, that hole was still there.
Through some tough lessons and sinking (in my own mind) to levels I did not want to be at, I was taught a great lesson by a “help giving professional” I had sought ought.
In my own way, I had been running my tail off to please others. I had not learned why I had that hole in me and what I truly had to do to fill it. The learning started a journey for me, a journey I continue on to this day. Healing was a process of life transformation and recovery.
I go through a brief exercise with most of my clients. It shows that you can’t give away what you haven’t got. How do you please (or even love) others wholly if you can’t do it for yourself.
In some ways the life I had led would seem selfish, and it was. People pleasing was part of the manifestation of this. A paradox became real. I had to get truly selfish to become unselfish. I had to take the time, and get the help to work on me; and it has paid huge dividends, dividends that can’t be measured in dollars and cents.
The scene before me is a reminder that Christmas is coming. Because of the road I’ve travelled, Christmas is now totally different. Sure we give and receive gifts. Both in my personal life and family life I love to give. There is now a huge difference.
Today the priority is not to please you (although it’s lovely to see joy in others). I can do things that please me and the power that guides my life and in doing this, it seems to bring joy to many of those in my life. The hole inside is very small.
I cannot please all of the people all of the time and I long ago quit trying. Without that hole inside of me, I can do what I believe is right without the motive of trying to simply please others and this does give me personal serenity, pleasure and gratitude.
Mr. Cosby you are so right, trying to please everybody is a key to failure.
Share your thoughts here or at www.hopeserenity.ca. I look forward to reading them!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
SELFISHNESS
SELFISHNESS
Selfishness
Every now and again I reflect back on my life to a time before I started what I know call a “co-creative process of life recovery”.
There were many negative qualities that were at work most of the time. One that I really regret is selfishness.
I wanted the world to see me as a caring unselfish person. Many of my actions were just that-they looked caring and unselfish. The truth was, all too often, I did things with a motive-what was in it for me? I know this in retrospect.
I certainly spent years in the grasp of substance abuse and mood altering behaviours. As the quote below states, I got into a way of living that can aptly be described as self-will run riot. Those closest to me suffered, although it was not what I intended. When not comfortable in your own skin and finding ways to escape (totally selfish), the impact on others become secondary.
Take a look at your life? Is there truly an element of selfishness at play? Do you use “substances or behaviours” to escape your real life? Do you want this to end?
From experience, left untreated, it only gets worse, never better.
I went through a “holistic” process to regain my life. A part of this was attending and practicing 12 step meetings and the principles of the 12 steps. These principles, as a noted Forensic Psychologist and role model once stated to me, “form as good a platform for good mental hygiene as can be found”.
The best book ever written for 12 step principles is the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” written in the late 30’s. AA was the first of the over 100 12 step groups now in existence and provided the principles followed by all. I read and quote this text often as a part of what I work on others with.
If you haven’t read it, it is worth it to all.
“Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. . .
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! ”
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 62
Wanting to be less selfish is a noble goal. Achieving that goal takes work, courage and mentoring. As we approach the holiday season, do you want to give it a try? I can tell you, I am thrilled I am on the journey and appreciate the progress made. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Selfishness
Every now and again I reflect back on my life to a time before I started what I know call a “co-creative process of life recovery”.
There were many negative qualities that were at work most of the time. One that I really regret is selfishness.
I wanted the world to see me as a caring unselfish person. Many of my actions were just that-they looked caring and unselfish. The truth was, all too often, I did things with a motive-what was in it for me? I know this in retrospect.
I certainly spent years in the grasp of substance abuse and mood altering behaviours. As the quote below states, I got into a way of living that can aptly be described as self-will run riot. Those closest to me suffered, although it was not what I intended. When not comfortable in your own skin and finding ways to escape (totally selfish), the impact on others become secondary.
Take a look at your life? Is there truly an element of selfishness at play? Do you use “substances or behaviours” to escape your real life? Do you want this to end?
From experience, left untreated, it only gets worse, never better.
I went through a “holistic” process to regain my life. A part of this was attending and practicing 12 step meetings and the principles of the 12 steps. These principles, as a noted Forensic Psychologist and role model once stated to me, “form as good a platform for good mental hygiene as can be found”.
The best book ever written for 12 step principles is the book “Alcoholics Anonymous” written in the late 30’s. AA was the first of the over 100 12 step groups now in existence and provided the principles followed by all. I read and quote this text often as a part of what I work on others with.
If you haven’t read it, it is worth it to all.
“Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. . .
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! ”
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 62
Wanting to be less selfish is a noble goal. Achieving that goal takes work, courage and mentoring. As we approach the holiday season, do you want to give it a try? I can tell you, I am thrilled I am on the journey and appreciate the progress made. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
सबोतागिंग SELF
SABOTAGING SELF?
How are you sabotaging yourself?
"If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more." --
Shirley Hufstedler
How are you sabotaging you’re potential for change?
We unconsciously use defense mechanisms to shield us from situations we perceive to be scary or painful. A part of you may want to grow and change, but another part may be resisting because change always moves you into new territory in your thinking and emotions.
If you find you are getting anxious, fearful, angry, frustrated, dismissive or unmotivated, then defense mechanisms are at work. Watch for them and know them to be signs of fear that wants to hold you back. Then courageously move through them.
"I have never been contained except I made the prison." -- Mary Evans
Once again, my mentor Dr. Randin Brons shares a very thought provoking article in his weekly Idea Engineer. Please give the question some thought.
In my daily work (and volunteer life) I come across so many people who self sabotage, and it is obvious that they are doing it.
They identify a problem that is really negatively impacting their lives and state they would like to solve it and move forward.
A path to achieving their goal is outlined and then the excuses for not taking action start. “I can’t afford it”, “I already know what the problem is”, “I haven’t got time”, “I can fix it myself”, “I have a friend that….” or even an honest “I’m afraid of what I might find”.
You’re reading this article for a reason. Many of you have a good idea that you are sabotaging your own happiness and know you must make change. Why let fear- however it manifests itself- hold you back?
While I do coach people to achieve the changes that want, I am also prepared, as a service, to spend time with people who just want to discuss life change, transformation and recovery. Where you go from that chat is up to you. Do you not deserve, as a priority, the life you are capable of living? Have courage!
How are you sabotaging your life?
(www.hopeserenity.ca or khbray@hopeserenity.ca)
How are you sabotaging yourself?
"If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more." --
Shirley Hufstedler
How are you sabotaging you’re potential for change?
We unconsciously use defense mechanisms to shield us from situations we perceive to be scary or painful. A part of you may want to grow and change, but another part may be resisting because change always moves you into new territory in your thinking and emotions.
If you find you are getting anxious, fearful, angry, frustrated, dismissive or unmotivated, then defense mechanisms are at work. Watch for them and know them to be signs of fear that wants to hold you back. Then courageously move through them.
"I have never been contained except I made the prison." -- Mary Evans
Once again, my mentor Dr. Randin Brons shares a very thought provoking article in his weekly Idea Engineer. Please give the question some thought.
In my daily work (and volunteer life) I come across so many people who self sabotage, and it is obvious that they are doing it.
They identify a problem that is really negatively impacting their lives and state they would like to solve it and move forward.
A path to achieving their goal is outlined and then the excuses for not taking action start. “I can’t afford it”, “I already know what the problem is”, “I haven’t got time”, “I can fix it myself”, “I have a friend that….” or even an honest “I’m afraid of what I might find”.
You’re reading this article for a reason. Many of you have a good idea that you are sabotaging your own happiness and know you must make change. Why let fear- however it manifests itself- hold you back?
While I do coach people to achieve the changes that want, I am also prepared, as a service, to spend time with people who just want to discuss life change, transformation and recovery. Where you go from that chat is up to you. Do you not deserve, as a priority, the life you are capable of living? Have courage!
How are you sabotaging your life?
(www.hopeserenity.ca or khbray@hopeserenity.ca)
SABOTAGING SELF?(Get honest with yourself!)
SABOTAGING SELF?(Get honest with yourself!)
SABOTAGING SELF?
How are you sabotaging yourself?
"If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more." --
Shirley Hufstedler
How are you sabotaging you’re potential for change?
We unconsciously use defense mechanisms to shield us from situations we perceive to be scary or painful. A part of you may want to grow and change, but another part may be resisting because change always moves you into new territory in your thinking and emotions.
If you find you are getting anxious, fearful, angry, frustrated, dismissive or unmotivated, then defense mechanisms are at work. Watch for them and know them to be signs of fear that wants to hold you back. Then courageously move through them.
"I have never been contained except I made the prison." -- Mary Evans
Once again, my mentor Dr. Randin Brons shares a very thought provoking article in his weekly Idea Engineer. Please give the question some thought.
In my daily work (and volunteer life) I come across so many people who self sabotage, and it is obvious that they are doing it.
They identify a problem that is really negatively impacting their lives and state they would like to solve it and move forward.
A path to achieving their goal is outlined and then the excuses for not taking action start. “I can’t afford it”, “I already know what the problem is”, “I haven’t got time”, “I can fix it myself”, “I have a friend that….” or even an honest “I’m afraid of what I might find”.
You’re reading this article for a reason. Many of you have a good idea that you are sabotaging your own happiness and know you must make change. Why let fear- however it manifests itself- hold you back?
While I do coach people to achieve the changes that want, I am also prepared, as a service, to spend time with people who just want to discuss life change, transformation and recovery. Where you go from that chat is up to you. Do you not deserve, as a priority, the life you are capable of living? Have courage!
How are you sabotaging your life?
(www.hopeserenity.ca or khbray@hopeserenity.ca)
SABOTAGING SELF?
How are you sabotaging yourself?
"If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more." --
Shirley Hufstedler
How are you sabotaging you’re potential for change?
We unconsciously use defense mechanisms to shield us from situations we perceive to be scary or painful. A part of you may want to grow and change, but another part may be resisting because change always moves you into new territory in your thinking and emotions.
If you find you are getting anxious, fearful, angry, frustrated, dismissive or unmotivated, then defense mechanisms are at work. Watch for them and know them to be signs of fear that wants to hold you back. Then courageously move through them.
"I have never been contained except I made the prison." -- Mary Evans
Once again, my mentor Dr. Randin Brons shares a very thought provoking article in his weekly Idea Engineer. Please give the question some thought.
In my daily work (and volunteer life) I come across so many people who self sabotage, and it is obvious that they are doing it.
They identify a problem that is really negatively impacting their lives and state they would like to solve it and move forward.
A path to achieving their goal is outlined and then the excuses for not taking action start. “I can’t afford it”, “I already know what the problem is”, “I haven’t got time”, “I can fix it myself”, “I have a friend that….” or even an honest “I’m afraid of what I might find”.
You’re reading this article for a reason. Many of you have a good idea that you are sabotaging your own happiness and know you must make change. Why let fear- however it manifests itself- hold you back?
While I do coach people to achieve the changes that want, I am also prepared, as a service, to spend time with people who just want to discuss life change, transformation and recovery. Where you go from that chat is up to you. Do you not deserve, as a priority, the life you are capable of living? Have courage!
How are you sabotaging your life?
(www.hopeserenity.ca or khbray@hopeserenity.ca)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
सित्तिंग इन JUDGEMENT
SITTING IN JUDGEMENT
No judgment
Everything in life holds both a blessing and a curse. We deny this when we label the events of our lives as either good or bad. The following old Zen story illustrates this lesson most effectively.
A farmer had a horse but one day, the horse ran away and so the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. Their neighbors said, "Oh, what bad luck that your horse ran away!" But the farmer replied, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
The next week, the horse returned to the farm, bringing a herd of wild horses with him. "What wonderful luck!" cried the neighbors, but the farmer responded, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
Then, the farmer's son was thrown as he tried to ride one of the wild horses, and he broke his leg. "Ah, such bad luck," sympathized the neighbors. Once again, the farmer responded, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
A short time later, the ruler of the country recruited all young men to join his army for battle. The son, with his broken leg, was left at home. "What good luck that your son was not forced into battle!" celebrated the neighbors. And the farmer remarked, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
"Do not judge and you will never be mistaken." -- Jean Jacques Rousseau
I am a man who judged very quickly over a large portion of my life. I have been coached to do otherwise. My mind has gone from much closed to mostly open; real progress! Being far less judgmental has also helped me in all my relationships and is critical as a life coach (www.hopeserenity.ca).
I thank my mentor Dr. Randin Brons for this share in his Idea Engineer.
No judgment
Everything in life holds both a blessing and a curse. We deny this when we label the events of our lives as either good or bad. The following old Zen story illustrates this lesson most effectively.
A farmer had a horse but one day, the horse ran away and so the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. Their neighbors said, "Oh, what bad luck that your horse ran away!" But the farmer replied, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
The next week, the horse returned to the farm, bringing a herd of wild horses with him. "What wonderful luck!" cried the neighbors, but the farmer responded, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
Then, the farmer's son was thrown as he tried to ride one of the wild horses, and he broke his leg. "Ah, such bad luck," sympathized the neighbors. Once again, the farmer responded, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
A short time later, the ruler of the country recruited all young men to join his army for battle. The son, with his broken leg, was left at home. "What good luck that your son was not forced into battle!" celebrated the neighbors. And the farmer remarked, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
"Do not judge and you will never be mistaken." -- Jean Jacques Rousseau
I am a man who judged very quickly over a large portion of my life. I have been coached to do otherwise. My mind has gone from much closed to mostly open; real progress! Being far less judgmental has also helped me in all my relationships and is critical as a life coach (www.hopeserenity.ca).
I thank my mentor Dr. Randin Brons for this share in his Idea Engineer.
SITTING IN JUDGEMENT
SITTING IN JUDGEMENT
SITTING IN JUDGEMENT
No judgment
Everything in life holds both a blessing and a curse. We deny this when we label the events of our lives as either good or bad. The following old Zen story illustrates this lesson most effectively.
A farmer had a horse but one day, the horse ran away and so the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. Their neighbors said, "Oh, what bad luck that your horse ran away!" But the farmer replied, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
The next week, the horse returned to the farm, bringing a herd of wild horses with him. "What wonderful luck!" cried the neighbors, but the farmer responded, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
Then, the farmer's son was thrown as he tried to ride one of the wild horses, and he broke his leg. "Ah, such bad luck," sympathized the neighbors. Once again, the farmer responded, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
A short time later, the ruler of the country recruited all young men to join his army for battle. The son, with his broken leg, was left at home. "What good luck that your son was not forced into battle!" celebrated the neighbors. And the farmer remarked, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
"Do not judge and you will never be mistaken." -- Jean Jacques Rousseau
I am a man who judged very quickly over a large portion of my life. I have been coached to do otherwise. My mind has gone from much closed to mostly open; real progress! Being far less judgmental has also helped me in all my relationships and is critical as a life coach (www.hopeserenity.ca).
I thank my mentor Dr. Randin Brons for this share in his Idea Engineer.
SITTING IN JUDGEMENT
No judgment
Everything in life holds both a blessing and a curse. We deny this when we label the events of our lives as either good or bad. The following old Zen story illustrates this lesson most effectively.
A farmer had a horse but one day, the horse ran away and so the farmer and his son had to plow their fields themselves. Their neighbors said, "Oh, what bad luck that your horse ran away!" But the farmer replied, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
The next week, the horse returned to the farm, bringing a herd of wild horses with him. "What wonderful luck!" cried the neighbors, but the farmer responded, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
Then, the farmer's son was thrown as he tried to ride one of the wild horses, and he broke his leg. "Ah, such bad luck," sympathized the neighbors. Once again, the farmer responded, "Bad luck, good luck, who knows?"
A short time later, the ruler of the country recruited all young men to join his army for battle. The son, with his broken leg, was left at home. "What good luck that your son was not forced into battle!" celebrated the neighbors. And the farmer remarked, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
"Do not judge and you will never be mistaken." -- Jean Jacques Rousseau
I am a man who judged very quickly over a large portion of my life. I have been coached to do otherwise. My mind has gone from much closed to mostly open; real progress! Being far less judgmental has also helped me in all my relationships and is critical as a life coach (www.hopeserenity.ca).
I thank my mentor Dr. Randin Brons for this share in his Idea Engineer.
Monday, December 6, 2010
चसिंग हप्पिनेस?
CHASING HAPPINESS?
“One is happy as a result of one's own efforts, once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness — simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self denial to a point, love of work, and, above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain.”-George Sand-19th Century female French novelist
I came upon a part of this George Sand quote in one of my daily readings and in exploring who George Sand was, came upon the whole quote.
It certainly gave me a jolt to think and ponder; after all, do most of us not spend our lives chasing “HAPPINESS”?
Happiness is not an accident. If we learn how to truly look for it, we will find it within. It’s the how to find it that is a problem to many.
Inside of us is a small quiet voice, a part of us that we often learn to ignore. Whether we like it or not OR vehemently deny it, there is a spiritual component that is part of each of us. A part of that element is love-for self and others.
This voice, when heard, speaks of care and loving. It will never tell us to hurt ourselves or others. It is, in part, a higher power that dwells within, a higher power we can call love.
There is a skill that I had to learn to locate and have conscious contact with this voice within. It was not easily learned; I had to be coached through the process until it became a regular part of a new balanced approach to daily living. The happiness I’ve gained is a result of my own efforts and to reach that state of having a clear conscience. As Sands says, happiness is no vague dream; it is part of my life today. Happiness has not been an accident but a discovery by choice.
So are you chasing happiness in all the wrong places and have no real idea of what it feels like and where to find it? You DO have the key within.
Happiness is not an accident. It comes from finding the undeniable spiritual (not religious) voice. I’m truly glad to have found it. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Another Sands quote to close:
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
George Sand
“One is happy as a result of one's own efforts, once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness — simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self denial to a point, love of work, and, above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain.”-George Sand-19th Century female French novelist
I came upon a part of this George Sand quote in one of my daily readings and in exploring who George Sand was, came upon the whole quote.
It certainly gave me a jolt to think and ponder; after all, do most of us not spend our lives chasing “HAPPINESS”?
Happiness is not an accident. If we learn how to truly look for it, we will find it within. It’s the how to find it that is a problem to many.
Inside of us is a small quiet voice, a part of us that we often learn to ignore. Whether we like it or not OR vehemently deny it, there is a spiritual component that is part of each of us. A part of that element is love-for self and others.
This voice, when heard, speaks of care and loving. It will never tell us to hurt ourselves or others. It is, in part, a higher power that dwells within, a higher power we can call love.
There is a skill that I had to learn to locate and have conscious contact with this voice within. It was not easily learned; I had to be coached through the process until it became a regular part of a new balanced approach to daily living. The happiness I’ve gained is a result of my own efforts and to reach that state of having a clear conscience. As Sands says, happiness is no vague dream; it is part of my life today. Happiness has not been an accident but a discovery by choice.
So are you chasing happiness in all the wrong places and have no real idea of what it feels like and where to find it? You DO have the key within.
Happiness is not an accident. It comes from finding the undeniable spiritual (not religious) voice. I’m truly glad to have found it. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Another Sands quote to close:
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
George Sand
CHASING HAPPINESS? (It can be elusive)
CHASING HAPPINESS? (It can be elusive)
CHASING HAPPINESS?
“One is happy as a result of one's own efforts, once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness — simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self denial to a point, love of work, and, above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain.”-George Sand-19th Century female French novelist
I came upon a part of this George Sand quote in one of my daily readings and in exploring who George Sand was, came upon the whole quote.
It certainly gave me a jolt to think and ponder; after all, do most of us not spend our lives chasing “HAPPINESS”?
Happiness is not an accident. If we learn how to truly look for it, we will find it within. It’s the how to find it that is a problem to many.
Inside of us is a small quiet voice, a part of us that we often learn to ignore. Whether we like it or not OR vehemently deny it, there is a spiritual component that is part of each of us. A part of that element is love-for self and others.
This voice, when heard, speaks of care and loving. It will never tell us to hurt ourselves or others. It is, in part, a higher power that dwells within, a higher power we can call love.
There is a skill that I had to learn to locate and have conscious contact with this voice within. It was not easily learned; I had to be coached through the process until it became a regular part of a new balanced approach to daily living. The happiness I’ve gained is a result of my own efforts and to reach that state of having a clear conscience. As Sands says, happiness is no vague dream; it is part of my life today. Happiness has not been an accident but a discovery by choice.
So are you chasing happiness in all the wrong places and have no real idea of what it feels like and where to find it? You DO have the key within.
Happiness is not an accident. It comes from finding the undeniable spiritual (not religious) voice. I’m truly glad to have found it. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Another Sands quote to close:
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
George Sand
CHASING HAPPINESS?
“One is happy as a result of one's own efforts, once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness — simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self denial to a point, love of work, and, above all, a clear conscience. Happiness is no vague dream, of that I now feel certain.”-George Sand-19th Century female French novelist
I came upon a part of this George Sand quote in one of my daily readings and in exploring who George Sand was, came upon the whole quote.
It certainly gave me a jolt to think and ponder; after all, do most of us not spend our lives chasing “HAPPINESS”?
Happiness is not an accident. If we learn how to truly look for it, we will find it within. It’s the how to find it that is a problem to many.
Inside of us is a small quiet voice, a part of us that we often learn to ignore. Whether we like it or not OR vehemently deny it, there is a spiritual component that is part of each of us. A part of that element is love-for self and others.
This voice, when heard, speaks of care and loving. It will never tell us to hurt ourselves or others. It is, in part, a higher power that dwells within, a higher power we can call love.
There is a skill that I had to learn to locate and have conscious contact with this voice within. It was not easily learned; I had to be coached through the process until it became a regular part of a new balanced approach to daily living. The happiness I’ve gained is a result of my own efforts and to reach that state of having a clear conscience. As Sands says, happiness is no vague dream; it is part of my life today. Happiness has not been an accident but a discovery by choice.
So are you chasing happiness in all the wrong places and have no real idea of what it feels like and where to find it? You DO have the key within.
Happiness is not an accident. It comes from finding the undeniable spiritual (not religious) voice. I’m truly glad to have found it. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Another Sands quote to close:
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
George Sand
Thursday, December 2, 2010
प्रक्टिस,प्रक्टिस,PRACTICE
Practice, Practice, Practice
I’m a golf nut, and some may say certifiable.
With the amount of golf tips and lessons I’ve had appear on my computer screen this last little while; it caused me to reflect on not only my golf game, but my life.
I am a believer in asking for help, and when it comes to my golf game, I read a lot a do watch instructional videos and tips. I watch top level professional players and listen to them. I have gone to what might be called golf “rehab”, intensive clinics lead by great teachers where 100% of the focus is on the golf swing with the intent to improve.
I set goals for my golf “handicap” and track results diligently. I am not a “natural” but am blessed with reasonable hand eye co-ordination. I am lucky that I have an opportunity to play quite a bit and have reasonably good equipment and teaching aids.
Man, I should be ready to play on the tour- or at least the old guy’s tour.
While my golf has improved over the years and I’m decent, I am not as good as I should be with the amount I play. I am not terribly consistent and my scores can swing significantly from 9 holes to 9 holes and day to day. I can have stretches where I play good gold but it only lasts a short time.
Why? Why” Why?
There is a very simple reason. While I understand the mechanics better than most and have read, watched and heard all the techniques, I don’t spend nearly enough time on the practice range putting into practice what I have been shown. During the brief periods in my golf life I have committed to and actually practiced, I play consistently better golf.
I faced very similar challenges in life.
I did ask for help, got a coach, and went to rehab, read and so on. What I went through was similar to golf.
A huge difference is that I set goals, and achieve them and do have a large amount of consistency in my daily living.
Life happens each and every day. I have a “series” of things I must do every day and have a “check list” that I have used for years which I go through regularly to make sure I am practicing what I have learned on a daily basis. (Want it? email me at khbray@hopeserenity.ca and it’s yours). I know with the balance that I have in my life today, I am playing the game of life at a high and personally satisfying level and I coach others on how to get into the game.
Practice, practice, Practice.
With this clarity of thought, maybe I can take what I’ve learned about the game of life to the golf course. Possibly I can play less and practice more. The big difference, living is a serious business; golf is a game!
I’m a golf nut, and some may say certifiable.
With the amount of golf tips and lessons I’ve had appear on my computer screen this last little while; it caused me to reflect on not only my golf game, but my life.
I am a believer in asking for help, and when it comes to my golf game, I read a lot a do watch instructional videos and tips. I watch top level professional players and listen to them. I have gone to what might be called golf “rehab”, intensive clinics lead by great teachers where 100% of the focus is on the golf swing with the intent to improve.
I set goals for my golf “handicap” and track results diligently. I am not a “natural” but am blessed with reasonable hand eye co-ordination. I am lucky that I have an opportunity to play quite a bit and have reasonably good equipment and teaching aids.
Man, I should be ready to play on the tour- or at least the old guy’s tour.
While my golf has improved over the years and I’m decent, I am not as good as I should be with the amount I play. I am not terribly consistent and my scores can swing significantly from 9 holes to 9 holes and day to day. I can have stretches where I play good gold but it only lasts a short time.
Why? Why” Why?
There is a very simple reason. While I understand the mechanics better than most and have read, watched and heard all the techniques, I don’t spend nearly enough time on the practice range putting into practice what I have been shown. During the brief periods in my golf life I have committed to and actually practiced, I play consistently better golf.
I faced very similar challenges in life.
I did ask for help, got a coach, and went to rehab, read and so on. What I went through was similar to golf.
A huge difference is that I set goals, and achieve them and do have a large amount of consistency in my daily living.
Life happens each and every day. I have a “series” of things I must do every day and have a “check list” that I have used for years which I go through regularly to make sure I am practicing what I have learned on a daily basis. (Want it? email me at khbray@hopeserenity.ca and it’s yours). I know with the balance that I have in my life today, I am playing the game of life at a high and personally satisfying level and I coach others on how to get into the game.
Practice, practice, Practice.
With this clarity of thought, maybe I can take what I’ve learned about the game of life to the golf course. Possibly I can play less and practice more. The big difference, living is a serious business; golf is a game!
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
Practice, Practice, Practice
I’m a golf nut, and some may say certifiable.
With the amount of golf tips and lessons I’ve had appear on my computer screen this last little while; it caused me to reflect on not only my golf game, but my life.
I am a believer in asking for help, and when it comes to my golf game, I read a lot a do watch instructional videos and tips. I watch top level professional players and listen to them. I have gone to what might be called golf “rehab”, intensive clinics lead by great teachers where 100% of the focus is on the golf swing with the intent to improve.
I set goals for my golf “handicap” and track results diligently. I am not a “natural” but am blessed with reasonable hand eye co-ordination. I am lucky that I have an opportunity to play quite a bit and have reasonably good equipment and teaching aids.
Man, I should be ready to play on the tour- or at least the old guy’s tour.
While my golf has improved over the years and I’m decent, I am not as good as I should be with the amount I play. I am not terribly consistent and my scores can swing significantly from 9 holes to 9 holes and day to day. I can have stretches where I play good gold but it only lasts a short time.
Why? Why” Why?
There is a very simple reason. While I understand the mechanics better than most and have read, watched and heard all the techniques, I don’t spend nearly enough time on the practice range putting into practice what I have been shown. During the brief periods in my golf life I have committed to and actually practiced, I play consistently better golf.
I faced very similar challenges in life.
I did ask for help, got a coach, and went to rehab, read and so on. What I went through was similar to golf.
A huge difference is that I set goals, and achieve them and do have a large amount of consistency in my daily living.
Life happens each and every day. I have a “series” of things I must do every day and have a “check list” that I have used for years which I go through regularly to make sure I am practicing what I have learned on a daily basis. (Want it? email me at khbray@hopeserenity.ca and it’s yours). I know with the balance that I have in my life today, I am playing the game of life at a high and personally satisfying level and I coach others on how to get into the game.
Practice, practice, Practice.
With this clarity of thought, maybe I can take what I’ve learned about the game of life to the golf course. Possibly I can play less and practice more. The big difference, living is a serious business; golf is a game!
Practice, Practice, Practice
I’m a golf nut, and some may say certifiable.
With the amount of golf tips and lessons I’ve had appear on my computer screen this last little while; it caused me to reflect on not only my golf game, but my life.
I am a believer in asking for help, and when it comes to my golf game, I read a lot a do watch instructional videos and tips. I watch top level professional players and listen to them. I have gone to what might be called golf “rehab”, intensive clinics lead by great teachers where 100% of the focus is on the golf swing with the intent to improve.
I set goals for my golf “handicap” and track results diligently. I am not a “natural” but am blessed with reasonable hand eye co-ordination. I am lucky that I have an opportunity to play quite a bit and have reasonably good equipment and teaching aids.
Man, I should be ready to play on the tour- or at least the old guy’s tour.
While my golf has improved over the years and I’m decent, I am not as good as I should be with the amount I play. I am not terribly consistent and my scores can swing significantly from 9 holes to 9 holes and day to day. I can have stretches where I play good gold but it only lasts a short time.
Why? Why” Why?
There is a very simple reason. While I understand the mechanics better than most and have read, watched and heard all the techniques, I don’t spend nearly enough time on the practice range putting into practice what I have been shown. During the brief periods in my golf life I have committed to and actually practiced, I play consistently better golf.
I faced very similar challenges in life.
I did ask for help, got a coach, and went to rehab, read and so on. What I went through was similar to golf.
A huge difference is that I set goals, and achieve them and do have a large amount of consistency in my daily living.
Life happens each and every day. I have a “series” of things I must do every day and have a “check list” that I have used for years which I go through regularly to make sure I am practicing what I have learned on a daily basis. (Want it? email me at khbray@hopeserenity.ca and it’s yours). I know with the balance that I have in my life today, I am playing the game of life at a high and personally satisfying level and I coach others on how to get into the game.
Practice, practice, Practice.
With this clarity of thought, maybe I can take what I’ve learned about the game of life to the golf course. Possibly I can play less and practice more. The big difference, living is a serious business; golf is a game!
Monday, November 29, 2010
व्हो'स बेहिंद यौर सुच्सस?
WHO’S BEHIND YOUR SUCCESS?
Behind an able man there are always other able men.
--Chinese proverb
The similarities between this and the saying “Behind every good man is a good woman” are striking. How many say “I am self-made”? No one succeeds alone.
Most of us have had a strong desire in our lives to "do it ourselves." We have had the idea that strength and independence meant we should not rely on or receive help from others.
Ah yes, big boys (and girls) don’t cry, and to ask for help to many is a show of weakness and a skill never learned. I know because I was there.
Asking for help was a learned skill in the journey of life recovery and my transformation as a person. Accepting help may have even been more difficult.
Today I understand that throughout my whole life, I have had help available but have not known how to accept it.
From other people-yes. But all the time there was a power greater than me helping. Without it, I certainly would have been dead.
Over the journey I have become much stronger. Daily I seek help, and on some occasions even listen and act. Progress as they say, not perfection.
I am able to share this new found strength with others, and in doing so continue to get stronger inside.
To my US friends, remember-behind an able person are other able people. As you celebrate Thanksgiving, give thanks to the able people that have been with you and be open to those that will come!
Behind an able man there are always other able men.
--Chinese proverb
The similarities between this and the saying “Behind every good man is a good woman” are striking. How many say “I am self-made”? No one succeeds alone.
Most of us have had a strong desire in our lives to "do it ourselves." We have had the idea that strength and independence meant we should not rely on or receive help from others.
Ah yes, big boys (and girls) don’t cry, and to ask for help to many is a show of weakness and a skill never learned. I know because I was there.
Asking for help was a learned skill in the journey of life recovery and my transformation as a person. Accepting help may have even been more difficult.
Today I understand that throughout my whole life, I have had help available but have not known how to accept it.
From other people-yes. But all the time there was a power greater than me helping. Without it, I certainly would have been dead.
Over the journey I have become much stronger. Daily I seek help, and on some occasions even listen and act. Progress as they say, not perfection.
I am able to share this new found strength with others, and in doing so continue to get stronger inside.
To my US friends, remember-behind an able person are other able people. As you celebrate Thanksgiving, give thanks to the able people that have been with you and be open to those that will come!
WHO'S BEHIND YOUR SUCCESS?
WHO'S BEHIND YOUR SUCCESS?
WHO’S BEHIND YOUR SUCCESS?
Behind an able man there are always other able men.
--Chinese proverb
The similarities between this and the saying “Behind every good man is a good woman” are striking. How many say “I am self-made”? No one succeeds alone.
Most of us have had a strong desire in our lives to "do it ourselves." We have had the idea that strength and independence meant we should not rely on or receive help from others.
Ah yes, big boys (and girls) don’t cry, and to ask for help to many is a show of weakness and a skill never learned. I know because I was there.
Asking for help was a learned skill in the journey of life recovery and my transformation as a person. Accepting help may have even been more difficult.
Today I understand that throughout my whole life, I have had help available but have not known how to accept it.
From other people-yes. But all the time there was a power greater than me helping. Without it, I certainly would have been dead.
Over the journey I have become much stronger. Daily I seek help, and on some occasions even listen and act. Progress as they say, not perfection.
I am able to share this new found strength with others, and in doing so continue to get stronger inside.
To my US friends, remember-behind an able person are other able people. As you celebrate Thanksgiving, give thanks to the able people that have been with you and be open to those that will come!
WHO’S BEHIND YOUR SUCCESS?
Behind an able man there are always other able men.
--Chinese proverb
The similarities between this and the saying “Behind every good man is a good woman” are striking. How many say “I am self-made”? No one succeeds alone.
Most of us have had a strong desire in our lives to "do it ourselves." We have had the idea that strength and independence meant we should not rely on or receive help from others.
Ah yes, big boys (and girls) don’t cry, and to ask for help to many is a show of weakness and a skill never learned. I know because I was there.
Asking for help was a learned skill in the journey of life recovery and my transformation as a person. Accepting help may have even been more difficult.
Today I understand that throughout my whole life, I have had help available but have not known how to accept it.
From other people-yes. But all the time there was a power greater than me helping. Without it, I certainly would have been dead.
Over the journey I have become much stronger. Daily I seek help, and on some occasions even listen and act. Progress as they say, not perfection.
I am able to share this new found strength with others, and in doing so continue to get stronger inside.
To my US friends, remember-behind an able person are other able people. As you celebrate Thanksgiving, give thanks to the able people that have been with you and be open to those that will come!
Friday, November 26, 2010
तिगेर गेट्स होनेस्त!
TIGER GETS HONEST
“At first I didn’t want to look inward. Frankly, I was scared of what I would find—what I had become. But I am grateful I did examine my life because it made me more grounded than I’ve ever been; I hope that with reflection will come wisdom.” –Tiger Woods
This is the first indication that I’ve had that Tiger Woods is starting to “get it”. He must have been working with more than a swing coach!
I am a certified golf nut and a real fan of Tiger’s. I’ve never paid much attention to his life style (other than commitment to fitness and practise) and can honestly say Tiger’s endorsements never influenced me to buy a product.
I never condoned his rants on the golf course nor do I condone (although I unfortunately can relate) what we learned a year ago about his lifestyle.
I admired the total focus Tiger had in competition; his ability to block things out. I admired his technique, his goal setting and his understanding of history. Mostly, I admired his results. Results achieved through coaching and hard work. A commitment to be the best he could be.
I was very surprised when the sordid details of his personal life hit the news a year ago. I did not respect the man who acted this way, but today I respect that Tiger appears to have the courage to make changes in his life. The above quote from today’s paper indicates a maturing of his outlook and some real personal growth.
I would have loved to had the opportunity to work with Tiger as a client; I did relate to things that were going on with him and had to face similar, though far less public, issues and have done so.
How many of us want to look inward? How many are truly scared about what they may find?
Yet you can look inward and address what you find before your life is in total shambles. How much are you prepared to lose?
I hope that the above quote from Tiger is an honest expression of where he is at and honestly reflects a major shift in thinking and that his future actions demonstrate this.
I hope with this new found wisdom comes a return of the talent I love to see Tiger demonstrate on the golf course and I pray he can be a solid father to his children. (www.hopeserenity.ca).
“At first I didn’t want to look inward. Frankly, I was scared of what I would find—what I had become. But I am grateful I did examine my life because it made me more grounded than I’ve ever been; I hope that with reflection will come wisdom.” –Tiger Woods
This is the first indication that I’ve had that Tiger Woods is starting to “get it”. He must have been working with more than a swing coach!
I am a certified golf nut and a real fan of Tiger’s. I’ve never paid much attention to his life style (other than commitment to fitness and practise) and can honestly say Tiger’s endorsements never influenced me to buy a product.
I never condoned his rants on the golf course nor do I condone (although I unfortunately can relate) what we learned a year ago about his lifestyle.
I admired the total focus Tiger had in competition; his ability to block things out. I admired his technique, his goal setting and his understanding of history. Mostly, I admired his results. Results achieved through coaching and hard work. A commitment to be the best he could be.
I was very surprised when the sordid details of his personal life hit the news a year ago. I did not respect the man who acted this way, but today I respect that Tiger appears to have the courage to make changes in his life. The above quote from today’s paper indicates a maturing of his outlook and some real personal growth.
I would have loved to had the opportunity to work with Tiger as a client; I did relate to things that were going on with him and had to face similar, though far less public, issues and have done so.
How many of us want to look inward? How many are truly scared about what they may find?
Yet you can look inward and address what you find before your life is in total shambles. How much are you prepared to lose?
I hope that the above quote from Tiger is an honest expression of where he is at and honestly reflects a major shift in thinking and that his future actions demonstrate this.
I hope with this new found wisdom comes a return of the talent I love to see Tiger demonstrate on the golf course and I pray he can be a solid father to his children. (www.hopeserenity.ca).
TIGER GETS HONEST
TIGER GETS HONEST
TIGER GETS HONEST
“At first I didn’t want to look inward. Frankly, I was scared of what I would find—what I had become. But I am grateful I did examine my life because it made me more grounded than I’ve ever been; I hope that with reflection will come wisdom.” –Tiger Woods
This is the first indication that I’ve had that Tiger Woods is starting to “get it”. He must have been working with more than a swing coach!
I am a certified golf nut and a real fan of Tiger’s. I’ve never paid much attention to his life style (other than commitment to fitness and practise) and can honestly say Tiger’s endorsements never influenced me to buy a product.
I never condoned his rants on the golf course nor do I condone (although I unfortunately can relate) what we learned a year ago about his lifestyle.
I admired the total focus Tiger had in competition; his ability to block things out. I admired his technique, his goal setting and his understanding of history. Mostly, I admired his results. Results achieved through coaching and hard work. A commitment to be the best he could be.
I was very surprised when the sordid details of his personal life hit the news a year ago. I did not respect the man who acted this way, but today I respect that Tiger appears to have the courage to make changes in his life. The above quote from today’s paper indicates a maturing of his outlook and some real personal growth.
I would have loved to had the opportunity to work with Tiger as a client; I did relate to things that were going on with him and had to face similar, though far less public, issues and have done so.
How many of us want to look inward? How many are truly scared about what they may find?
Yet you can look inward and address what you find before your life is in total shambles. How much are you prepared to lose?
I hope that the above quote from Tiger is an honest expression of where he is at and honestly reflects a major shift in thinking and that his future actions demonstrate this.
I hope with this new found wisdom comes a return of the talent I love to see Tiger demonstrate on the golf course and I pray he can be a solid father to his children. (www.hopeserenity.ca).
TIGER GETS HONEST
“At first I didn’t want to look inward. Frankly, I was scared of what I would find—what I had become. But I am grateful I did examine my life because it made me more grounded than I’ve ever been; I hope that with reflection will come wisdom.” –Tiger Woods
This is the first indication that I’ve had that Tiger Woods is starting to “get it”. He must have been working with more than a swing coach!
I am a certified golf nut and a real fan of Tiger’s. I’ve never paid much attention to his life style (other than commitment to fitness and practise) and can honestly say Tiger’s endorsements never influenced me to buy a product.
I never condoned his rants on the golf course nor do I condone (although I unfortunately can relate) what we learned a year ago about his lifestyle.
I admired the total focus Tiger had in competition; his ability to block things out. I admired his technique, his goal setting and his understanding of history. Mostly, I admired his results. Results achieved through coaching and hard work. A commitment to be the best he could be.
I was very surprised when the sordid details of his personal life hit the news a year ago. I did not respect the man who acted this way, but today I respect that Tiger appears to have the courage to make changes in his life. The above quote from today’s paper indicates a maturing of his outlook and some real personal growth.
I would have loved to had the opportunity to work with Tiger as a client; I did relate to things that were going on with him and had to face similar, though far less public, issues and have done so.
How many of us want to look inward? How many are truly scared about what they may find?
Yet you can look inward and address what you find before your life is in total shambles. How much are you prepared to lose?
I hope that the above quote from Tiger is an honest expression of where he is at and honestly reflects a major shift in thinking and that his future actions demonstrate this.
I hope with this new found wisdom comes a return of the talent I love to see Tiger demonstrate on the golf course and I pray he can be a solid father to his children. (www.hopeserenity.ca).
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
वही इ दोन'टी सीक हेल्प-थे EXCUSES
WHY I DON’T SEEK HELP-THE EXCUSES
My good friend Patrick Meninga from Spiritual River has just done another detailed article on why so many walk around with the mental illness of addiction and don’t seek help.
For those who have at any time thought they MIGHT have a problem, or for those who suspect or know someone in their life has a problem, please go to www.hopeserenity.ca, or follow the link to Spiritual River, and read the article in detail.
Up front and from experience, most people with a problem are in DENIAL and/or think they can fix themselves. Trying to fix YOU is like having a clueless idiot for a client, and a proven fact, those who even think they have a problem generally do. A vast majority of people on this earth do not wander around wondering if they have a problem!
Taking action and doing something about YOUR problem is a challenge. Have you got the courage to change and transform and recover your life? The option, early death and injury to others are not a good one.
So read on. I have done some very minor editing to Patrick’s article.
Convincing Yourself to Get Help – Overcoming 12 Common Excuses for Not Seeking Addiction Help
My good friend Patrick Meninga from Spiritual River has just done another detailed article on why so many walk around with the mental illness of addiction and don’t seek help.
For those who have at any time thought they MIGHT have a problem, or for those who suspect or know someone in their life has a problem, please go to www.hopeserenity.ca, or follow the link to Spiritual River, and read the article in detail.
Up front and from experience, most people with a problem are in DENIAL and/or think they can fix themselves. Trying to fix YOU is like having a clueless idiot for a client, and a proven fact, those who even think they have a problem generally do. A vast majority of people on this earth do not wander around wondering if they have a problem!
Taking action and doing something about YOUR problem is a challenge. Have you got the courage to change and transform and recover your life? The option, early death and injury to others are not a good one.
So read on. I have done some very minor editing to Patrick’s article.
Convincing Yourself to Get Help – Overcoming 12 Common Excuses for Not Seeking Addiction Help
WHY I DON'T SEEK HELP-THE EXCUSES
WHY I DON'T SEEK HELP-THE EXCUSES
WHY I DON’T SEEK HELP-THE EXCUSES
My good friend Patrick Meninga from Spiritual River has just done another detailed article on why so many walk around with the mental illness of addiction and don’t seek help.
For those who have at any time thought they MIGHT have a problem, or for those who suspect or know someone in their life has a problem, please go to www.hopeserenity.ca, or follow the link to Spiritual River, and read the article in detail.
Up front and from experience, most people with a problem are in DENIAL and/or think they can fix themselves. Trying to fix YOU is like having a clueless idiot for a client, and a proven fact, those who even think they have a problem generally do. A vast majority of people on this earth do not wander around wondering if they have a problem!
Taking action and doing something about YOUR problem is a challenge. Have you got the courage to change and transform and recover your life? The option, early death and injury to others are not a good one.
So read on. I have done some very minor editing to Patrick’s article.
Convincing Yourself to Get Help – Overcoming 12 Common Excuses for Not Seeking Addiction Help
WHY I DON’T SEEK HELP-THE EXCUSES
My good friend Patrick Meninga from Spiritual River has just done another detailed article on why so many walk around with the mental illness of addiction and don’t seek help.
For those who have at any time thought they MIGHT have a problem, or for those who suspect or know someone in their life has a problem, please go to www.hopeserenity.ca, or follow the link to Spiritual River, and read the article in detail.
Up front and from experience, most people with a problem are in DENIAL and/or think they can fix themselves. Trying to fix YOU is like having a clueless idiot for a client, and a proven fact, those who even think they have a problem generally do. A vast majority of people on this earth do not wander around wondering if they have a problem!
Taking action and doing something about YOUR problem is a challenge. Have you got the courage to change and transform and recover your life? The option, early death and injury to others are not a good one.
So read on. I have done some very minor editing to Patrick’s article.
Convincing Yourself to Get Help – Overcoming 12 Common Excuses for Not Seeking Addiction Help
Monday, November 22, 2010
गोत ट्रस्ट इस्सुएस?
TRUST ISSUES?
It’s amazing how many people I run across that have major trust issues.
The causes vary. In the information below, you will find some thoughts on dealing with trust issues, and issues of trust that come up in relationships.
If you conclude that self-esteem or “the past” are the primary contributors to your “trust issues”, we should (www.hopeserenity.ca) talk! We can offer some suggestions that will help you deal with these issues.
Enjoy the information and I hope you find it helpful!
How to Solve Trust
Issues in a Relationship
How to Solve Trust Issues in a Relationship
At some point or another, you're likely to experience trust issues in your relationship.
Whether it's brought about by infidelity, a decrease in your own self esteem, your partner's
newly hired young assistant, or a simple change in your partner's behavior, your
relationship can weather this storm and rise above feelings of uncertainty.
Follow these tips to solve the trust issues you face so you can experience the
thriving relationship you deserve:
1. Work on your self-esteem. Many trust issues in relationships that were once thriving
stem from personal insecurities. If you've experienced significant changes in your
appearance or noticed a drop in your self-esteem, it's important to build up your
body image and self worth in order to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
• It's common to become suspicious of the company that your significant other is
keeping when your self-esteem plummets. The way you perceive yourself may be the
only thing in your relationship that has changed.
2. Reflect on your past. Did something happen in your childhood that has caused you
to become wary of trusting your heart to anyone? Did your parents choose to divorce
when you were young? Were you sexually abused in the past?
• These things and more can be responsible for your inability to trust others. When
you've endured emotional trauma, especially during your youth, its effects
can last decades. Speak to a therapist to help you find the root of the issue and learn
how to work past the event.
3. Talk about any indiscretions. If there has been infidelity within your relationship,
it's vital to hash out all hurt feelings and future expectations.
1
• If you've cheated, it's normal for your partner to act clingy for a while. They'll
want to know where you are, what you're doing, and what time you'll be home. They'll
ask if you'll be alone with anyone. Answer their questions truthfully and understand
that they are hurting.
4. Recommit yourself to one another. Sometimes a relationship needs a sign of
recommitment and devotion. Do something special together that signifies that your
love can and will overcome anything.
• If you're married, renew your vows to make it known that your love is abundant
and can rise over any obstacles that life may throw your way.
• If you're dating, go away on a relaxing day trip together and write a letter to each other
exclaiming your love and devotion.
5. Spend more time together. Both you and your partner are constantly changing
internally and your needs and wants are also subject to change. Ensure that
you're truly there alongside your partner to witness and be a part of those changes by
devoting more time to one another.
Trust is about more than believing that your partner will remain faithful. It's
about trusting that your partner will always be there for you in times of need, while also
being a prominent part of the most important events in your life. Work on your trust as
romantic partners - and as best friends - to truly guarantee a fruitful union.
2
It’s amazing how many people I run across that have major trust issues.
The causes vary. In the information below, you will find some thoughts on dealing with trust issues, and issues of trust that come up in relationships.
If you conclude that self-esteem or “the past” are the primary contributors to your “trust issues”, we should (www.hopeserenity.ca) talk! We can offer some suggestions that will help you deal with these issues.
Enjoy the information and I hope you find it helpful!
How to Solve Trust
Issues in a Relationship
How to Solve Trust Issues in a Relationship
At some point or another, you're likely to experience trust issues in your relationship.
Whether it's brought about by infidelity, a decrease in your own self esteem, your partner's
newly hired young assistant, or a simple change in your partner's behavior, your
relationship can weather this storm and rise above feelings of uncertainty.
Follow these tips to solve the trust issues you face so you can experience the
thriving relationship you deserve:
1. Work on your self-esteem. Many trust issues in relationships that were once thriving
stem from personal insecurities. If you've experienced significant changes in your
appearance or noticed a drop in your self-esteem, it's important to build up your
body image and self worth in order to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
• It's common to become suspicious of the company that your significant other is
keeping when your self-esteem plummets. The way you perceive yourself may be the
only thing in your relationship that has changed.
2. Reflect on your past. Did something happen in your childhood that has caused you
to become wary of trusting your heart to anyone? Did your parents choose to divorce
when you were young? Were you sexually abused in the past?
• These things and more can be responsible for your inability to trust others. When
you've endured emotional trauma, especially during your youth, its effects
can last decades. Speak to a therapist to help you find the root of the issue and learn
how to work past the event.
3. Talk about any indiscretions. If there has been infidelity within your relationship,
it's vital to hash out all hurt feelings and future expectations.
1
• If you've cheated, it's normal for your partner to act clingy for a while. They'll
want to know where you are, what you're doing, and what time you'll be home. They'll
ask if you'll be alone with anyone. Answer their questions truthfully and understand
that they are hurting.
4. Recommit yourself to one another. Sometimes a relationship needs a sign of
recommitment and devotion. Do something special together that signifies that your
love can and will overcome anything.
• If you're married, renew your vows to make it known that your love is abundant
and can rise over any obstacles that life may throw your way.
• If you're dating, go away on a relaxing day trip together and write a letter to each other
exclaiming your love and devotion.
5. Spend more time together. Both you and your partner are constantly changing
internally and your needs and wants are also subject to change. Ensure that
you're truly there alongside your partner to witness and be a part of those changes by
devoting more time to one another.
Trust is about more than believing that your partner will remain faithful. It's
about trusting that your partner will always be there for you in times of need, while also
being a prominent part of the most important events in your life. Work on your trust as
romantic partners - and as best friends - to truly guarantee a fruitful union.
2
GOT TRUST ISSUES?
GOT TRUST ISSUES?
TRUST ISSUES?
It’s amazing how many people I run across that have major trust issues.
The causes vary. In the information below, you will find some thoughts on dealing with trust issues, and issues of trust that come up in relationships.
If you conclude that self-esteem or “the past” are the primary contributors to your “trust issues”, we should (www.hopeserenity.ca) talk! We can offer some suggestions that will help you deal with these issues.
Enjoy the information and I hope you find it helpful!
How to Solve Trust
Issues in a Relationship
How to Solve Trust Issues in a Relationship
At some point or another, you're likely to experience trust issues in your relationship.
Whether it's brought about by infidelity, a decrease in your own self esteem, your partner's
newly hired young assistant, or a simple change in your partner's behavior, your
relationship can weather this storm and rise above feelings of uncertainty.
Follow these tips to solve the trust issues you face so you can experience the
thriving relationship you deserve:
1. Work on your self-esteem. Many trust issues in relationships that were once thriving
stem from personal insecurities. If you've experienced significant changes in your
appearance or noticed a drop in your self-esteem, it's important to build up your
body image and self worth in order to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
• It's common to become suspicious of the company that your significant other is
keeping when your self-esteem plummets. The way you perceive yourself may be the
only thing in your relationship that has changed.
2. Reflect on your past. Did something happen in your childhood that has caused you
to become wary of trusting your heart to anyone? Did your parents choose to divorce
when you were young? Were you sexually abused in the past?
• These things and more can be responsible for your inability to trust others. When
you've endured emotional trauma, especially during your youth, its effects
can last decades. Speak to a therapist to help you find the root of the issue and learn
how to work past the event.
3. Talk about any indiscretions. If there has been infidelity within your relationship,
it's vital to hash out all hurt feelings and future expectations.
1
• If you've cheated, it's normal for your partner to act clingy for a while. They'll
want to know where you are, what you're doing, and what time you'll be home. They'll
ask if you'll be alone with anyone. Answer their questions truthfully and understand
that they are hurting.
4. Recommit yourself to one another. Sometimes a relationship needs a sign of
recommitment and devotion. Do something special together that signifies that your
love can and will overcome anything.
• If you're married, renew your vows to make it known that your love is abundant
and can rise over any obstacles that life may throw your way.
• If you're dating, go away on a relaxing day trip together and write a letter to each other
exclaiming your love and devotion.
5. Spend more time together. Both you and your partner are constantly changing
internally and your needs and wants are also subject to change. Ensure that
you're truly there alongside your partner to witness and be a part of those changes by
devoting more time to one another.
Trust is about more than believing that your partner will remain faithful. It's
about trusting that your partner will always be there for you in times of need, while also
being a prominent part of the most important events in your life. Work on your trust as
romantic partners - and as best friends - to truly guarantee a fruitful union.
2
TRUST ISSUES?
It’s amazing how many people I run across that have major trust issues.
The causes vary. In the information below, you will find some thoughts on dealing with trust issues, and issues of trust that come up in relationships.
If you conclude that self-esteem or “the past” are the primary contributors to your “trust issues”, we should (www.hopeserenity.ca) talk! We can offer some suggestions that will help you deal with these issues.
Enjoy the information and I hope you find it helpful!
How to Solve Trust
Issues in a Relationship
How to Solve Trust Issues in a Relationship
At some point or another, you're likely to experience trust issues in your relationship.
Whether it's brought about by infidelity, a decrease in your own self esteem, your partner's
newly hired young assistant, or a simple change in your partner's behavior, your
relationship can weather this storm and rise above feelings of uncertainty.
Follow these tips to solve the trust issues you face so you can experience the
thriving relationship you deserve:
1. Work on your self-esteem. Many trust issues in relationships that were once thriving
stem from personal insecurities. If you've experienced significant changes in your
appearance or noticed a drop in your self-esteem, it's important to build up your
body image and self worth in order to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
• It's common to become suspicious of the company that your significant other is
keeping when your self-esteem plummets. The way you perceive yourself may be the
only thing in your relationship that has changed.
2. Reflect on your past. Did something happen in your childhood that has caused you
to become wary of trusting your heart to anyone? Did your parents choose to divorce
when you were young? Were you sexually abused in the past?
• These things and more can be responsible for your inability to trust others. When
you've endured emotional trauma, especially during your youth, its effects
can last decades. Speak to a therapist to help you find the root of the issue and learn
how to work past the event.
3. Talk about any indiscretions. If there has been infidelity within your relationship,
it's vital to hash out all hurt feelings and future expectations.
1
• If you've cheated, it's normal for your partner to act clingy for a while. They'll
want to know where you are, what you're doing, and what time you'll be home. They'll
ask if you'll be alone with anyone. Answer their questions truthfully and understand
that they are hurting.
4. Recommit yourself to one another. Sometimes a relationship needs a sign of
recommitment and devotion. Do something special together that signifies that your
love can and will overcome anything.
• If you're married, renew your vows to make it known that your love is abundant
and can rise over any obstacles that life may throw your way.
• If you're dating, go away on a relaxing day trip together and write a letter to each other
exclaiming your love and devotion.
5. Spend more time together. Both you and your partner are constantly changing
internally and your needs and wants are also subject to change. Ensure that
you're truly there alongside your partner to witness and be a part of those changes by
devoting more time to one another.
Trust is about more than believing that your partner will remain faithful. It's
about trusting that your partner will always be there for you in times of need, while also
being a prominent part of the most important events in your life. Work on your trust as
romantic partners - and as best friends - to truly guarantee a fruitful union.
2
Thursday, November 18, 2010
वहत ऍम इ थिंकिंग?
WHAT AM I THINKING?
"I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." -- William Faulkner
Years ago I was in a treatment facility trying to learn how to live life on life’s terms. To say my mind was a super speedway would have been an understatement. Disjointed thoughts continually raced around.
What was I really thinking?
I was introduced to the concept of journaling. I must admit, initially, it struck me as silly. Isn’t this what girls do when they keep a diary?
With time, I came to accept the value of journaling. I do it frequently for myself, and it is a part of the daily balance routine I try to instil in my clients and others I work with. (Free balance check list available through www.hopeserenity.ca). Journaling, simply put, allows me to get what’s going on in the inside to the outside, and as Faulkner’s quote says, once on the outside I can begin to realise what I really think (and feel).
I have kept journals going back some 16 years, and it is interesting to go make and read past journals to appreciate the growth curve I have gone through.
Today, a lot of my journaling is done on the computer, and I still find it extremely therapeutic. My mind can still be a speedway, and journaling does allow me to sit a write on various thoughts, read, and reflect on what my thoughts really are. In my journals, I try to capture words that truly express hoe I “feel” about various things.
No longer do I look at journaling as something girls do while young, I find it an essential part of daily living and a record of growth!
Today, I have a good tool in my living kit to help me understand what I am thinking.
"When you choose to understand [and] exercise control over the functions and attributes of your own mind, you will be empowered to create your own reality, to be completely self-reliant and totally prosperous." -- The Delfin Knowledge System
"I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." -- William Faulkner
Years ago I was in a treatment facility trying to learn how to live life on life’s terms. To say my mind was a super speedway would have been an understatement. Disjointed thoughts continually raced around.
What was I really thinking?
I was introduced to the concept of journaling. I must admit, initially, it struck me as silly. Isn’t this what girls do when they keep a diary?
With time, I came to accept the value of journaling. I do it frequently for myself, and it is a part of the daily balance routine I try to instil in my clients and others I work with. (Free balance check list available through www.hopeserenity.ca). Journaling, simply put, allows me to get what’s going on in the inside to the outside, and as Faulkner’s quote says, once on the outside I can begin to realise what I really think (and feel).
I have kept journals going back some 16 years, and it is interesting to go make and read past journals to appreciate the growth curve I have gone through.
Today, a lot of my journaling is done on the computer, and I still find it extremely therapeutic. My mind can still be a speedway, and journaling does allow me to sit a write on various thoughts, read, and reflect on what my thoughts really are. In my journals, I try to capture words that truly express hoe I “feel” about various things.
No longer do I look at journaling as something girls do while young, I find it an essential part of daily living and a record of growth!
Today, I have a good tool in my living kit to help me understand what I am thinking.
"When you choose to understand [and] exercise control over the functions and attributes of your own mind, you will be empowered to create your own reality, to be completely self-reliant and totally prosperous." -- The Delfin Knowledge System
WHAT AM I THINKING?
WHAT AM I THINKING?
WHAT AM I THINKING?
"I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." -- William Faulkner
Years ago I was in a treatment facility trying to learn how to live life on life’s terms. To say my mind was a super speedway would have been an understatement. Disjointed thoughts continually raced around.
What was I really thinking?
I was introduced to the concept of journaling. I must admit, initially, it struck me as silly. Isn’t this what girls do when they keep a diary?
With time, I came to accept the value of journaling. I do it frequently for myself, and it is a part of the daily balance routine I try to instil in my clients and others I work with. (Free balance check list available through www.hopeserenity.ca). Journaling, simply put, allows me to get what’s going on in the inside to the outside, and as Faulkner’s quote says, once on the outside I can begin to realise what I really think (and feel).
I have kept journals going back some 16 years, and it is interesting to go make and read past journals to appreciate the growth curve I have gone through.
Today, a lot of my journaling is done on the computer, and I still find it extremely therapeutic. My mind can still be a speedway, and journaling does allow me to sit a write on various thoughts, read, and reflect on what my thoughts really are. In my journals, I try to capture words that truly express hoe I “feel” about various things.
No longer do I look at journaling as something girls do while young, I find it an essential part of daily living and a record of growth!
Today, I have a good tool in my living kit to help me understand what I am thinking.
"When you choose to understand [and] exercise control over the functions and attributes of your own mind, you will be empowered to create your own reality, to be completely self-reliant and totally prosperous." -- The Delfin Knowledge System
WHAT AM I THINKING?
"I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." -- William Faulkner
Years ago I was in a treatment facility trying to learn how to live life on life’s terms. To say my mind was a super speedway would have been an understatement. Disjointed thoughts continually raced around.
What was I really thinking?
I was introduced to the concept of journaling. I must admit, initially, it struck me as silly. Isn’t this what girls do when they keep a diary?
With time, I came to accept the value of journaling. I do it frequently for myself, and it is a part of the daily balance routine I try to instil in my clients and others I work with. (Free balance check list available through www.hopeserenity.ca). Journaling, simply put, allows me to get what’s going on in the inside to the outside, and as Faulkner’s quote says, once on the outside I can begin to realise what I really think (and feel).
I have kept journals going back some 16 years, and it is interesting to go make and read past journals to appreciate the growth curve I have gone through.
Today, a lot of my journaling is done on the computer, and I still find it extremely therapeutic. My mind can still be a speedway, and journaling does allow me to sit a write on various thoughts, read, and reflect on what my thoughts really are. In my journals, I try to capture words that truly express hoe I “feel” about various things.
No longer do I look at journaling as something girls do while young, I find it an essential part of daily living and a record of growth!
Today, I have a good tool in my living kit to help me understand what I am thinking.
"When you choose to understand [and] exercise control over the functions and attributes of your own mind, you will be empowered to create your own reality, to be completely self-reliant and totally prosperous." -- The Delfin Knowledge System
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
दो यू ओवन यौर लाइफ?
Do you own your life?
"The meaning of life is to give life meaning." -- Ken Hudgins
When we own our lives, we accept what we've inherited and the experiences we hold in our memories. We also claim our right to create new conditions if we're not happy with what's come before. We assume responsibility for changing what does not suit us. We acknowledge our own special talents and skills, and truly comprehend our right to enjoy the journey. In short, we embrace the meaning and purpose, the mystery and the beauty of our lives.
Do you feel that you own your life at the moment?
"I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself... and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part." -- Shirley MacLaine
What a great piece from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in this week’s “Idea Engineer”. Really makes one think.
Today I can honestly answer the question in the affirmative, but that happened through a learning curve directed/coached by professionals like Randin, and is the very reason I am comfortable today working with others.
It is far easier to coach/guide people on a path that you have walked and continue the happy trudge that is life!
If you have concerns that you may not own your life at the moment, I am free to have a discussion with. I have got special talents and skills and love the journey. It’s great to have a life that has meaning.(www.hopeserenity.ca )
"The meaning of life is to give life meaning." -- Ken Hudgins
When we own our lives, we accept what we've inherited and the experiences we hold in our memories. We also claim our right to create new conditions if we're not happy with what's come before. We assume responsibility for changing what does not suit us. We acknowledge our own special talents and skills, and truly comprehend our right to enjoy the journey. In short, we embrace the meaning and purpose, the mystery and the beauty of our lives.
Do you feel that you own your life at the moment?
"I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself... and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part." -- Shirley MacLaine
What a great piece from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in this week’s “Idea Engineer”. Really makes one think.
Today I can honestly answer the question in the affirmative, but that happened through a learning curve directed/coached by professionals like Randin, and is the very reason I am comfortable today working with others.
It is far easier to coach/guide people on a path that you have walked and continue the happy trudge that is life!
If you have concerns that you may not own your life at the moment, I am free to have a discussion with. I have got special talents and skills and love the journey. It’s great to have a life that has meaning.(www.hopeserenity.ca )
DO YOU OWN YOUR LIFE?
DO YOU OWN YOUR LIFE?
Do you own your life?
"The meaning of life is to give life meaning." -- Ken Hudgins
When we own our lives, we accept what we've inherited and the experiences we hold in our memories. We also claim our right to create new conditions if we're not happy with what's come before. We assume responsibility for changing what does not suit us. We acknowledge our own special talents and skills, and truly comprehend our right to enjoy the journey. In short, we embrace the meaning and purpose, the mystery and the beauty of our lives.
Do you feel that you own your life at the moment?
"I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself... and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part." -- Shirley MacLaine
What a great piece from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in this week’s “Idea Engineer”. Really makes one think.
Today I can honestly answer the question in the affirmative, but that happened through a learning curve directed/coached by professionals like Randin, and is the very reason I am comfortable today working with others.
It is far easier to coach/guide people on a path that you have walked and continue the happy trudge that is life!
If you have concerns that you may not own your life at the moment, I am free to have a discussion with. I have got special talents and skills and love the journey. It’s great to have a life that has meaning.(www.hopeserenity.ca )
Do you own your life?
"The meaning of life is to give life meaning." -- Ken Hudgins
When we own our lives, we accept what we've inherited and the experiences we hold in our memories. We also claim our right to create new conditions if we're not happy with what's come before. We assume responsibility for changing what does not suit us. We acknowledge our own special talents and skills, and truly comprehend our right to enjoy the journey. In short, we embrace the meaning and purpose, the mystery and the beauty of our lives.
Do you feel that you own your life at the moment?
"I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself... and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part." -- Shirley MacLaine
What a great piece from my coaching mentor Dr. Randin Brons in this week’s “Idea Engineer”. Really makes one think.
Today I can honestly answer the question in the affirmative, but that happened through a learning curve directed/coached by professionals like Randin, and is the very reason I am comfortable today working with others.
It is far easier to coach/guide people on a path that you have walked and continue the happy trudge that is life!
If you have concerns that you may not own your life at the moment, I am free to have a discussion with. I have got special talents and skills and love the journey. It’s great to have a life that has meaning.(www.hopeserenity.ca )
Sunday, November 14, 2010
अत्तितुदे ADJUSTMENT
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
After a number of recent conversations and happenings, coupled with self reflection, I think the biggest change in my life over the past number of years has been an attitude adjustment.
Years ago, it was far too easy to fall into the negative.
One of my symptoms was frequently knocking others, finding the bad in them. Another was a sense of gloom that could take over the sunniest day. The gloom through me frequently into procrastination, I just couldn’t get things done unless my back was against a wall, and even then I was often late with “stuff”.
I could go on, and I know many can add to this. Today I know my problem was “attitude”.
Yes I had other issues. Safe to say I had an outward big ego coupled with inner fear and self loathing. What a dangerous combination. I created my own “Disney World” and found both mood altering substances and behaviours that would, for a short period, allow me to escape the real world and all its’ tough situations and live in my fantasy land. I could look into the future and see grandiose things happening-fame and fortune and the admiration of others coming my way. But man, truth of the matter was I did not want to deal with the real issue-me and my attitude toward life.
I have a good friend an author by the name of Paul McCabe who wrote a book of simple truths worth reading-“Feed the Good Dog”. One thing that Paul has drilled into me is a huge truth; “Life is tough”.
In years gone by, life was tough and I chose to escape to Disney World. Upon reflection, I would have to say the past decade has been as tough, maybe even tougher, yet I deal with it far differently and am an optimistic person who gets enjoyment out of nearly every day.
What happened?
With the fullness of hind sight, I can say simply that I have undergone a major change of attitude and address the causes of my problems. In doing this, I have been free of my “addictions” for an extended period of time and have a whole new set of skills in my life tool box that I can draw on.
There is an old saying; gratitude is an attitude and this is now a part of my subconscious daily living. Life remains with its difficulties but when the darkness starts up inside of me (and it does) I quickly focus on the many things I have to be grateful for. Each of us is capable of finding them if we learn how to find them! So I try to live daily with an attitude of gratitude and this has caused a major attitude adjustment in my life.
What a blessing to appreciate the good that has been bestowed on me; truly an unmerited gift but a gift I accept with thanks.
There was a process that I learned from others that brought me from a negative place and trips to “Disney World” to a place where I see sunshine just about daily. The attitude adjustment brought about with “guided growth” allows me to live in the real world and deal soberly with problems that used to baffle me.
Life at certain times remains tough, but from the tools gained from a variety of “life coaching” experiences, I live my days today with a whole new positive take on life.
If you look at life through anis, all you see is brown stuff. Today I like the place I look at life from, and it impacts on all around me. Most importantly, I like living in my own skin. This is a major positive attitude adjustment. (www.hopeserenity.ca / www.coached-to-success.com)
After a number of recent conversations and happenings, coupled with self reflection, I think the biggest change in my life over the past number of years has been an attitude adjustment.
Years ago, it was far too easy to fall into the negative.
One of my symptoms was frequently knocking others, finding the bad in them. Another was a sense of gloom that could take over the sunniest day. The gloom through me frequently into procrastination, I just couldn’t get things done unless my back was against a wall, and even then I was often late with “stuff”.
I could go on, and I know many can add to this. Today I know my problem was “attitude”.
Yes I had other issues. Safe to say I had an outward big ego coupled with inner fear and self loathing. What a dangerous combination. I created my own “Disney World” and found both mood altering substances and behaviours that would, for a short period, allow me to escape the real world and all its’ tough situations and live in my fantasy land. I could look into the future and see grandiose things happening-fame and fortune and the admiration of others coming my way. But man, truth of the matter was I did not want to deal with the real issue-me and my attitude toward life.
I have a good friend an author by the name of Paul McCabe who wrote a book of simple truths worth reading-“Feed the Good Dog”. One thing that Paul has drilled into me is a huge truth; “Life is tough”.
In years gone by, life was tough and I chose to escape to Disney World. Upon reflection, I would have to say the past decade has been as tough, maybe even tougher, yet I deal with it far differently and am an optimistic person who gets enjoyment out of nearly every day.
What happened?
With the fullness of hind sight, I can say simply that I have undergone a major change of attitude and address the causes of my problems. In doing this, I have been free of my “addictions” for an extended period of time and have a whole new set of skills in my life tool box that I can draw on.
There is an old saying; gratitude is an attitude and this is now a part of my subconscious daily living. Life remains with its difficulties but when the darkness starts up inside of me (and it does) I quickly focus on the many things I have to be grateful for. Each of us is capable of finding them if we learn how to find them! So I try to live daily with an attitude of gratitude and this has caused a major attitude adjustment in my life.
What a blessing to appreciate the good that has been bestowed on me; truly an unmerited gift but a gift I accept with thanks.
There was a process that I learned from others that brought me from a negative place and trips to “Disney World” to a place where I see sunshine just about daily. The attitude adjustment brought about with “guided growth” allows me to live in the real world and deal soberly with problems that used to baffle me.
Life at certain times remains tough, but from the tools gained from a variety of “life coaching” experiences, I live my days today with a whole new positive take on life.
If you look at life through anis, all you see is brown stuff. Today I like the place I look at life from, and it impacts on all around me. Most importantly, I like living in my own skin. This is a major positive attitude adjustment. (www.hopeserenity.ca / www.coached-to-success.com)
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
After a number of recent conversations and happenings, coupled with self reflection, I think the biggest change in my life over the past number of years has been an attitude adjustment.
Years ago, it was far too easy to fall into the negative.
One of my symptoms was frequently knocking others, finding the bad in them. Another was a sense of gloom that could take over the sunniest day. The gloom through me frequently into procrastination, I just couldn’t get things done unless my back was against a wall, and even then I was often late with “stuff”.
I could go on, and I know many can add to this. Today I know my problem was “attitude”.
Yes I had other issues. Safe to say I had an outward big ego coupled with inner fear and self loathing. What a dangerous combination. I created my own “Disney World” and found both mood altering substances and behaviours that would, for a short period, allow me to escape the real world and all its’ tough situations and live in my fantasy land. I could look into the future and see grandiose things happening-fame and fortune and the admiration of others coming my way. But man, truth of the matter was I did not want to deal with the real issue-me and my attitude toward life.
I have a good friend an author by the name of Paul McCabe who wrote a book of simple truths worth reading-“Feed the Good Dog”. One thing that Paul has drilled into me is a huge truth; “Life is tough”.
In years gone by, life was tough and I chose to escape to Disney World. Upon reflection, I would have to say the past decade has been as tough, maybe even tougher, yet I deal with it far differently and am an optimistic person who gets enjoyment out of nearly every day.
What happened?
With the fullness of hind sight, I can say simply that I have undergone a major change of attitude and address the causes of my problems. In doing this, I have been free of my “addictions” for an extended period of time and have a whole new set of skills in my life tool box that I can draw on.
There is an old saying; gratitude is an attitude and this is now a part of my subconscious daily living. Life remains with its difficulties but when the darkness starts up inside of me (and it does) I quickly focus on the many things I have to be grateful for. Each of us is capable of finding them if we learn how to find them! So I try to live daily with an attitude of gratitude and this has caused a major attitude adjustment in my life.
What a blessing to appreciate the good that has been bestowed on me; truly an unmerited gift but a gift I accept with thanks.
There was a process that I learned from others that brought me from a negative place and trips to “Disney World” to a place where I see sunshine just about daily. The attitude adjustment brought about with “guided growth” allows me to live in the real world and deal soberly with problems that used to baffle me.
Life at certain times remains tough, but from the tools gained from a variety of “life coaching” experiences, I live my days today with a whole new positive take on life.
If you look at life through anis, all you see is brown stuff. Today I like the place I look at life from, and it impacts on all around me. Most importantly, I like living in my own skin. This is a major positive attitude adjustment. (www.hopeserenity.ca / www.coached-to-success.com)
ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
After a number of recent conversations and happenings, coupled with self reflection, I think the biggest change in my life over the past number of years has been an attitude adjustment.
Years ago, it was far too easy to fall into the negative.
One of my symptoms was frequently knocking others, finding the bad in them. Another was a sense of gloom that could take over the sunniest day. The gloom through me frequently into procrastination, I just couldn’t get things done unless my back was against a wall, and even then I was often late with “stuff”.
I could go on, and I know many can add to this. Today I know my problem was “attitude”.
Yes I had other issues. Safe to say I had an outward big ego coupled with inner fear and self loathing. What a dangerous combination. I created my own “Disney World” and found both mood altering substances and behaviours that would, for a short period, allow me to escape the real world and all its’ tough situations and live in my fantasy land. I could look into the future and see grandiose things happening-fame and fortune and the admiration of others coming my way. But man, truth of the matter was I did not want to deal with the real issue-me and my attitude toward life.
I have a good friend an author by the name of Paul McCabe who wrote a book of simple truths worth reading-“Feed the Good Dog”. One thing that Paul has drilled into me is a huge truth; “Life is tough”.
In years gone by, life was tough and I chose to escape to Disney World. Upon reflection, I would have to say the past decade has been as tough, maybe even tougher, yet I deal with it far differently and am an optimistic person who gets enjoyment out of nearly every day.
What happened?
With the fullness of hind sight, I can say simply that I have undergone a major change of attitude and address the causes of my problems. In doing this, I have been free of my “addictions” for an extended period of time and have a whole new set of skills in my life tool box that I can draw on.
There is an old saying; gratitude is an attitude and this is now a part of my subconscious daily living. Life remains with its difficulties but when the darkness starts up inside of me (and it does) I quickly focus on the many things I have to be grateful for. Each of us is capable of finding them if we learn how to find them! So I try to live daily with an attitude of gratitude and this has caused a major attitude adjustment in my life.
What a blessing to appreciate the good that has been bestowed on me; truly an unmerited gift but a gift I accept with thanks.
There was a process that I learned from others that brought me from a negative place and trips to “Disney World” to a place where I see sunshine just about daily. The attitude adjustment brought about with “guided growth” allows me to live in the real world and deal soberly with problems that used to baffle me.
Life at certain times remains tough, but from the tools gained from a variety of “life coaching” experiences, I live my days today with a whole new positive take on life.
If you look at life through anis, all you see is brown stuff. Today I like the place I look at life from, and it impacts on all around me. Most importantly, I like living in my own skin. This is a major positive attitude adjustment. (www.hopeserenity.ca / www.coached-to-success.com)
Thursday, November 11, 2010
A SMILE (fiction-OK love?)
A SMILE (fiction-OK love?)
A LITTLE SMILE
My wife was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera. She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew that she was not speeding.
She went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now she began to think that this was quite funny, so she drove even slower as she passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. She tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while she rolled past at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, she got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
You can't fix stupid. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
A LITTLE SMILE
My wife was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera. She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew that she was not speeding.
She went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now she began to think that this was quite funny, so she drove even slower as she passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed. She tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while she rolled past at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, she got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
You can't fix stupid. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
ASKING FOR HELP
ASKING FOR HELP
ASKING FOR HELP
We roll into a new week, and I look forward to it! Interesting things happened last week, one in particular that reminded me that I have no control over people in my life, particularly my adult children.
While I can’t control them, I am amazed, with all the work I have done on myself, how much their actions can still hurt! But with the help of a power greater than me and a little time we do move on. The space in my head has value, and there’s no point in letting things that don’t pay rent to occupy that space.
Another great reminder, it is very difficult for others to ask for help. Some do when there back is up against a wall; others never do and generally suffer because of their pride and false ego.
I can well remember the time in my life that asking for help in many areas was a very difficult, if not impossible, task. I was one of those who whose back was forced up against a wall. I was about to lose the things that were most important to me; not material things but relationships that meant everything.
It goes without saying; I had lost a good relationship with myself many years ago.
It took a real act of courage on the part of my life partner to force me into action. I was a miserable person wallowing in self pity and remorse when I reached out for professional help.
Funny thing, when I finally swallowed my pride and checked my ego at the door, there was great help available, and in asking for it and taking action, I began to get my life back!
Try as I did, I could not fix myself and it took “help” from many others along with personal action to get things going in a positive direction.
This weekend, I was reminded by a couple of very close friends on how difficult it was to ask for help. Ironically, as I was at this very juncture of writing, the phone rang and another long time acquaintance called and reluctantly asked for help and stated that she had a real battle with her ego to ask! Things do happen in mysterious ways, and maybe the timing of your reading this blog will be just what you need at this moment.
The bottom line- if you’re feeling things closing in on you and your back is against the wall, swallow your pride, check your ego and reach out for help. It’s tough to do, it does require courage, but you will find help available and who knows, you might get to the life you truly deserve! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
ASKING FOR HELP
We roll into a new week, and I look forward to it! Interesting things happened last week, one in particular that reminded me that I have no control over people in my life, particularly my adult children.
While I can’t control them, I am amazed, with all the work I have done on myself, how much their actions can still hurt! But with the help of a power greater than me and a little time we do move on. The space in my head has value, and there’s no point in letting things that don’t pay rent to occupy that space.
Another great reminder, it is very difficult for others to ask for help. Some do when there back is up against a wall; others never do and generally suffer because of their pride and false ego.
I can well remember the time in my life that asking for help in many areas was a very difficult, if not impossible, task. I was one of those who whose back was forced up against a wall. I was about to lose the things that were most important to me; not material things but relationships that meant everything.
It goes without saying; I had lost a good relationship with myself many years ago.
It took a real act of courage on the part of my life partner to force me into action. I was a miserable person wallowing in self pity and remorse when I reached out for professional help.
Funny thing, when I finally swallowed my pride and checked my ego at the door, there was great help available, and in asking for it and taking action, I began to get my life back!
Try as I did, I could not fix myself and it took “help” from many others along with personal action to get things going in a positive direction.
This weekend, I was reminded by a couple of very close friends on how difficult it was to ask for help. Ironically, as I was at this very juncture of writing, the phone rang and another long time acquaintance called and reluctantly asked for help and stated that she had a real battle with her ego to ask! Things do happen in mysterious ways, and maybe the timing of your reading this blog will be just what you need at this moment.
The bottom line- if you’re feeling things closing in on you and your back is against the wall, swallow your pride, check your ego and reach out for help. It’s tough to do, it does require courage, but you will find help available and who knows, you might get to the life you truly deserve! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
अस्किंग फॉर हेल्प?
ASKING FOR HELP
We roll into a new week, and I look forward to it! Interesting things happened last week, one in particular that reminded me that I have no control over people in my life, particularly my adult children.
While I can’t control them, I am amazed, with all the work I have done on myself, how much their actions can still hurt! But with the help of a power greater than me and a little time we do move on. The space in my head has value, and there’s no point in letting things that don’t pay rent to occupy that space.
Another great reminder, it is very difficult for others to ask for help. Some do when there back is up against a wall; others never do and generally suffer because of their pride and false ego.
I can well remember the time in my life that asking for help in many areas was a very difficult, if not impossible, task. I was one of those who whose back was forced up against a wall. I was about to lose the things that were most important to me; not material things but relationships that meant everything.
It goes without saying; I had lost a good relationship with myself many years ago.
It took a real act of courage on the part of my life partner to force me into action. I was a miserable person wallowing in self pity and remorse when I reached out for professional help.
Funny thing, when I finally swallowed my pride and checked my ego at the door, there was great help available, and in asking for it and taking action, I began to get my life back!
Try as I did, I could not fix myself and it took “help” from many others along with personal action to get things going in a positive direction.
This weekend, I was reminded by a couple of very close friends on how difficult it was to ask for help. Ironically, as I was at this very juncture of writing, the phone rang and another long time acquaintance called and reluctantly asked for help and stated that she had a real battle with her ego to ask! Things do happen in mysterious ways, and maybe the timing of your reading this blog will be just what you need at this moment.
The bottom line- if you’re feeling things closing in on you and your back is against the wall, swallow your pride, check your ego and reach out for help. It’s tough to do, it does require courage, but you will find help available and who knows, you might get to the life you truly deserve! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
We roll into a new week, and I look forward to it! Interesting things happened last week, one in particular that reminded me that I have no control over people in my life, particularly my adult children.
While I can’t control them, I am amazed, with all the work I have done on myself, how much their actions can still hurt! But with the help of a power greater than me and a little time we do move on. The space in my head has value, and there’s no point in letting things that don’t pay rent to occupy that space.
Another great reminder, it is very difficult for others to ask for help. Some do when there back is up against a wall; others never do and generally suffer because of their pride and false ego.
I can well remember the time in my life that asking for help in many areas was a very difficult, if not impossible, task. I was one of those who whose back was forced up against a wall. I was about to lose the things that were most important to me; not material things but relationships that meant everything.
It goes without saying; I had lost a good relationship with myself many years ago.
It took a real act of courage on the part of my life partner to force me into action. I was a miserable person wallowing in self pity and remorse when I reached out for professional help.
Funny thing, when I finally swallowed my pride and checked my ego at the door, there was great help available, and in asking for it and taking action, I began to get my life back!
Try as I did, I could not fix myself and it took “help” from many others along with personal action to get things going in a positive direction.
This weekend, I was reminded by a couple of very close friends on how difficult it was to ask for help. Ironically, as I was at this very juncture of writing, the phone rang and another long time acquaintance called and reluctantly asked for help and stated that she had a real battle with her ego to ask! Things do happen in mysterious ways, and maybe the timing of your reading this blog will be just what you need at this moment.
The bottom line- if you’re feeling things closing in on you and your back is against the wall, swallow your pride, check your ego and reach out for help. It’s tough to do, it does require courage, but you will find help available and who knows, you might get to the life you truly deserve! (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Monday, November 8, 2010
यू'रे बेत्टर थान यू थिंक!
YOU’RE BETTER THAN YOU THINK!
How many of us have truly healthy self-esteem (not big egos) and appreciate how good we really are?
Not many, most of us underestimate our real potential.
We are better than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less.
-- Anonymous
We are wonderful, capable human beings worthy of love and happiness. We all have a gift to give the world that can't be duplicated. No one else is exactly like us; we are each unique. Hard to believe?
The problem is, we don't believe it. Most of us are used to thinking about all our negative qualities and become expert at putting ourselves down. We have a hard time believing and accepting our own goodness and gifts. Think about how you respond when given a compliment!
When we have a negative attitude, only one person can change it - us. We have the power to choose to change our thinking - if we want to. It takes a courageous person to risk getting positive and hopeful.
I had to reach out and get coaching help to make the changes I needed to make in my life and in my case this meant giving up chemical and behavioural addictions. It was tough, but then life is tough! It has been with it.
Today I can appreciate my goodness and accept love humbly. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
How many of us have truly healthy self-esteem (not big egos) and appreciate how good we really are?
Not many, most of us underestimate our real potential.
We are better than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less.
-- Anonymous
We are wonderful, capable human beings worthy of love and happiness. We all have a gift to give the world that can't be duplicated. No one else is exactly like us; we are each unique. Hard to believe?
The problem is, we don't believe it. Most of us are used to thinking about all our negative qualities and become expert at putting ourselves down. We have a hard time believing and accepting our own goodness and gifts. Think about how you respond when given a compliment!
When we have a negative attitude, only one person can change it - us. We have the power to choose to change our thinking - if we want to. It takes a courageous person to risk getting positive and hopeful.
I had to reach out and get coaching help to make the changes I needed to make in my life and in my case this meant giving up chemical and behavioural addictions. It was tough, but then life is tough! It has been with it.
Today I can appreciate my goodness and accept love humbly. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
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