How Do I Recover Healthy Self-Esteem?
As a senior manager in the work place, self-esteem is often an issue with employees as they advance in their careers; particularly those new to management roles.
As a coach, this self-esteem is an issue I deal with with every client. I have never had an exception. It makes a guy wonder what happened along the trail, and also wonder what happened first, lousy self-esteem or addiction?
My personal esteem
The place I always start to look is at my own personal circumstance. Being a recovering addict and also a senior manager, I have had to gain some insight along the way.
I was brought up in what most would have thought to be a very comfortable home. I was healthy, reasonably bright and didn’t want for too much materially. Yet, for a reason I now understand, I never felt that I was good enough nor did I feel that I measured up to the expectation of “others”. If a reasonably sound upbringing left me like this, I can easily understand how those with a less fortunate childhood can have self-esteem issues.
7 tips for self-esteem building
Some basic how to “overcome” actions for me (and for many of my clients) included:
1. Use positive affirmations.
I went to, and I send clients to, the few people in life a person can really trust. Positive “I am……….” statements are obtained from these honest sources, such as “Keith is a truly caring person”. Four or five are lots. Put them on a recipe card and tape the card to your favorite mirror. Initially you won’t believe; do the work and you’ll know them to be true.
2. Spend quiet time everyday.
If you can learn how to shut your mind down, divorced of brain chatter, interesting things (positive) will be revealed to you.
3. Journal daily .
Get those good thoughts and negatives externalized. You’ll be shocked how they look on paper. Set some goals, dare to dream some good dreams.
4. Get outside help .
Everybody needs a mentor. You need a “trusted confidant” in your life, one who you respect and admire, who has walked the road and come out in sunshine; it may not necessarily be some one you like or know well..
5. Right size yourself.
Learn that you are not the center of the universe and in the big picture, not all that important. Find that proverbial power greater than you that you can build a trusting relationship with.
6. Give yourself credit.
Make sure you give yourself credit for all your successes, no matter how big or small. It is far too easy to focus on failures.
7. Set some small achievable goals.
Baby steps will carry you on a journey and the journey never starts without a first step. When you hit a goal, give yourself a small reward, maybe a small pat on the back.
Think about it. You were born with a purpose, and that purpose was positive. It still is. Each of us in our own small way have something to offer. If you learn to believe in you, achieve healthy self-respect, your world will be a much brighter place to live in and so will be the world of every person you have contact with!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
BECOMING SELF AWARE
BECOMING SELF AWARE
SELF AWARE
As I went through life, I lost a sense of who I was; I was not aware of certain behaviour patterns and thought patterns that were occurring in my life.
I certainly was aware of the patterns of others that I was in frequent contact with, and as we all know, sometimes the behaviours of those we know well become predictable to us.
However, I had lost the ability to predict my own behaviour and at 46, had no idea of who I was. A very sad thing that I think many, if honest, can relate to.
As a thought provoker, I offer you an “Idea Engineer” from my coaching mentor, Randin Brons.
It was only through coaching that I was lead to a place where I truly became self aware and understood to a large degree who I was and also why I got to the place I did.
Learn to be aware
"You can live a lifetime and, at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself."
-- Beryl Markham
Who am I? To answer this, we must first learn to become more aware of ourselves. To be aware, we must STOP and PAY ATTENTION! We need to STOP and objectively watch ourselves in action.
We live most of our lives by habit. These habits keep us stuck in patterns that limit our experience of life. Once we detect a pattern we were previously unconscious of, we can choose differently, if we want. With awareness comes choice and with choice, we gain freedom.
"To be authentic is literally to be your own author ..., to discover your own native energies and desires, and then to find your own way of acting on them." -- Warren G. Bennis
"Self-knowledge is the great power by which we comprehend and control our lives." -- Vernon Howard”
Simply put, if you believe you may be in a “stuck pattern”, you likely are.
If you want “authenticity” back in you life, want to understand your habits and patterns consider coaching as a start point. You may well regain choice and freedom. Don’t continue on in life without really knowing you. There is a person there that you will truly learn to love! (www.hopeserenity.ca www.coached-to-success.com )
SELF AWARE
As I went through life, I lost a sense of who I was; I was not aware of certain behaviour patterns and thought patterns that were occurring in my life.
I certainly was aware of the patterns of others that I was in frequent contact with, and as we all know, sometimes the behaviours of those we know well become predictable to us.
However, I had lost the ability to predict my own behaviour and at 46, had no idea of who I was. A very sad thing that I think many, if honest, can relate to.
As a thought provoker, I offer you an “Idea Engineer” from my coaching mentor, Randin Brons.
It was only through coaching that I was lead to a place where I truly became self aware and understood to a large degree who I was and also why I got to the place I did.
Learn to be aware
"You can live a lifetime and, at the end of it, know more about other people than you know about yourself."
-- Beryl Markham
Who am I? To answer this, we must first learn to become more aware of ourselves. To be aware, we must STOP and PAY ATTENTION! We need to STOP and objectively watch ourselves in action.
We live most of our lives by habit. These habits keep us stuck in patterns that limit our experience of life. Once we detect a pattern we were previously unconscious of, we can choose differently, if we want. With awareness comes choice and with choice, we gain freedom.
"To be authentic is literally to be your own author ..., to discover your own native energies and desires, and then to find your own way of acting on them." -- Warren G. Bennis
"Self-knowledge is the great power by which we comprehend and control our lives." -- Vernon Howard”
Simply put, if you believe you may be in a “stuck pattern”, you likely are.
If you want “authenticity” back in you life, want to understand your habits and patterns consider coaching as a start point. You may well regain choice and freedom. Don’t continue on in life without really knowing you. There is a person there that you will truly learn to love! (www.hopeserenity.ca www.coached-to-success.com )
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
रेनेविंग थे MIND
DO YOU THINK THINGS OUT?
So, you want to transform your life from where it is today to something much different, something you know inside that life should be for you.
If that be the case, do you truly think things out?
I am not a follower of any religion but have read many “great” books including the Bible. There is an interesting passage in Romans 12:2 where St. Paul says “They are transformed by the renewing of their minds”. It is the concept of renewal and transformation that really interests me.
Want a better life then there are some things that must happen.
We have to change our current thinking to thinking that reflects improved mental hygiene. We must build a new way of looking at things. In many ways we may be living an “artificial” life, we must be prepared to get real. We must learn what “normal” and “reality” really are. We must accept truths and find the courage to change.
So, I hope these thoughts give you reason to think, and you take the time to really think things out.
You can transform your life from where you are to a reality that is abundant. I have walked that path and did not walk it alone.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers. If this article causes you to think, and you’d like to chat and learn more, let’s talk. Maybe talking will help you think things out. (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca )
So, you want to transform your life from where it is today to something much different, something you know inside that life should be for you.
If that be the case, do you truly think things out?
I am not a follower of any religion but have read many “great” books including the Bible. There is an interesting passage in Romans 12:2 where St. Paul says “They are transformed by the renewing of their minds”. It is the concept of renewal and transformation that really interests me.
Want a better life then there are some things that must happen.
We have to change our current thinking to thinking that reflects improved mental hygiene. We must build a new way of looking at things. In many ways we may be living an “artificial” life, we must be prepared to get real. We must learn what “normal” and “reality” really are. We must accept truths and find the courage to change.
So, I hope these thoughts give you reason to think, and you take the time to really think things out.
You can transform your life from where you are to a reality that is abundant. I have walked that path and did not walk it alone.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers. If this article causes you to think, and you’d like to chat and learn more, let’s talk. Maybe talking will help you think things out. (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca )
Friday, January 21, 2011
FISHING POLE
FISHING POLE
FISHING POLE-FOOD FOR LIFE
Yesterday, I had posted something that asked for input and answers to a couple of specific questions. I am still looking for more input, and thanks to those of you who did respond.
I got one great reminder and I have to remember it, and it may be a great reminder for you to.
I love to help people. I can be guilty at times of trying to “fix” their surface problem. This depends on the “role” I am playing in the person’s life. The great reminder was a parable.
If a person is hungry, give them a fish and they will be fed today. Give them a fishing rod and they will be fed for life. (Not an exact quote for those who are perfectionists)
This, in its way, talks about holistic change.
I was given some fish way back when, and I was OK for the short hall. Eventually someone took the time to understand me, show me how to construct and use a fishing rod, and now, when I take action, I am no longer hungry.
I guess I want to be in the fishing pole business. I hate giving away fish over and over!
(www.hopeserenity.ca) (www.coached-to-success.com) Need a fishing pole?
FISHING POLE-FOOD FOR LIFE
Yesterday, I had posted something that asked for input and answers to a couple of specific questions. I am still looking for more input, and thanks to those of you who did respond.
I got one great reminder and I have to remember it, and it may be a great reminder for you to.
I love to help people. I can be guilty at times of trying to “fix” their surface problem. This depends on the “role” I am playing in the person’s life. The great reminder was a parable.
If a person is hungry, give them a fish and they will be fed today. Give them a fishing rod and they will be fed for life. (Not an exact quote for those who are perfectionists)
This, in its way, talks about holistic change.
I was given some fish way back when, and I was OK for the short hall. Eventually someone took the time to understand me, show me how to construct and use a fishing rod, and now, when I take action, I am no longer hungry.
I guess I want to be in the fishing pole business. I hate giving away fish over and over!
(www.hopeserenity.ca) (www.coached-to-success.com) Need a fishing pole?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
लाइफ ओं थे मेर्री-गो-ROUND
LIFE ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
I’m generally not a computer pack rat, and tend to keep my inbox, sent and so on with little stuff in them. That being said, every now and again I hold on to something which I’ve read and intuitively know it is going to be very real on an upcoming day.
Below is something I received back in very early September. I was aware that it was there, and in talking with a couple of clients today, it reminded me to look back and share.
Once again the passage happens to be from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and dates back to the late 1930’s, but funny, it is as true today as it was back then.
For those many, who do not have a problem with drinking, substitute any issue you want following the words “most basic problem: my ____________ and myself.
“Merry-go-round”
“I began to feel like a clown juggling too many balls.
Each ball represented a problem I was keeping up in the air.
My arms were weary and I knew I couldn't keep on much longer, but I was not about to give up. My pride and ego wouldn't let me.
Bosses, judges, co-workers, lawyers, car notes, bar tabs, loan sharks, utility payments, landlords, my girlfriend, people I had double-crossed --
I looked to all these as the source of my problems, while overlooking the most basic problem: my drinking and myself.
I'd known for a long time that I desperately wanted off this merry-go-round, but I had no idea how to do it.” - Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 506
I do well remember when personally, and certainly talked with a couple of people today, who could have had the same quote, give or take a word or two! Can you relate to the passage?
If you can relate, want to get off the “Merry-go-round” that is your life today, but don’t know how, please get in touch. I have been fortunate to work with hundreds of others who after a conversation have found some answers to the question how- and there is no one size fits all. Please feel free to get in touch here or through khbray@hopeserenity.ca. It may just be time you spend that helps you to know how to get off your merry-go-round permanently. (On www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
I’m generally not a computer pack rat, and tend to keep my inbox, sent and so on with little stuff in them. That being said, every now and again I hold on to something which I’ve read and intuitively know it is going to be very real on an upcoming day.
Below is something I received back in very early September. I was aware that it was there, and in talking with a couple of clients today, it reminded me to look back and share.
Once again the passage happens to be from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and dates back to the late 1930’s, but funny, it is as true today as it was back then.
For those many, who do not have a problem with drinking, substitute any issue you want following the words “most basic problem: my ____________ and myself.
“Merry-go-round”
“I began to feel like a clown juggling too many balls.
Each ball represented a problem I was keeping up in the air.
My arms were weary and I knew I couldn't keep on much longer, but I was not about to give up. My pride and ego wouldn't let me.
Bosses, judges, co-workers, lawyers, car notes, bar tabs, loan sharks, utility payments, landlords, my girlfriend, people I had double-crossed --
I looked to all these as the source of my problems, while overlooking the most basic problem: my drinking and myself.
I'd known for a long time that I desperately wanted off this merry-go-round, but I had no idea how to do it.” - Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 506
I do well remember when personally, and certainly talked with a couple of people today, who could have had the same quote, give or take a word or two! Can you relate to the passage?
If you can relate, want to get off the “Merry-go-round” that is your life today, but don’t know how, please get in touch. I have been fortunate to work with hundreds of others who after a conversation have found some answers to the question how- and there is no one size fits all. Please feel free to get in touch here or through khbray@hopeserenity.ca. It may just be time you spend that helps you to know how to get off your merry-go-round permanently. (On www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
LIFE ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
LIFE ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
LIFE ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
I’m generally not a computer pack rat, and tend to keep my inbox, sent and so on with little stuff in them. That being said, every now and again I hold on to something which I’ve read and intuitively know it is going to be very real on an upcoming day.
Below is something I received back in very early September. I was aware that it was there, and in talking with a couple of clients today, it reminded me to look back and share.
Once again the passage happens to be from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and dates back to the late 1930’s, but funny, it is as true today as it was back then.
For those many, who do not have a problem with drinking, substitute any issue you want following the words “most basic problem: my ____________ and myself.
“Merry-go-round”
“I began to feel like a clown juggling too many balls.
Each ball represented a problem I was keeping up in the air.
My arms were weary and I knew I couldn't keep on much longer, but I was not about to give up. My pride and ego wouldn't let me.
Bosses, judges, co-workers, lawyers, car notes, bar tabs, loan sharks, utility payments, landlords, my girlfriend, people I had double-crossed --
I looked to all these as the source of my problems, while overlooking the most basic problem: my drinking and myself.
I'd known for a long time that I desperately wanted off this merry-go-round, but I had no idea how to do it.” - Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 506
I do well remember when personally, and certainly talked with a couple of people today, who could have had the same quote, give or take a word or two! Can you relate to the passage?
If you can relate, want to get off the “Merry-go-round” that is your life today, but don’t know how, please get in touch. I have been fortunate to work with hundreds of others who after a conversation have found some answers to the question how- and there is no one size fits all. Please feel free to get in touch here or through khbray@hopeserenity.ca. It may just be time you spend that helps you to know how to get off your merry-go-round permanently. (On www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
LIFE ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND
I’m generally not a computer pack rat, and tend to keep my inbox, sent and so on with little stuff in them. That being said, every now and again I hold on to something which I’ve read and intuitively know it is going to be very real on an upcoming day.
Below is something I received back in very early September. I was aware that it was there, and in talking with a couple of clients today, it reminded me to look back and share.
Once again the passage happens to be from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and dates back to the late 1930’s, but funny, it is as true today as it was back then.
For those many, who do not have a problem with drinking, substitute any issue you want following the words “most basic problem: my ____________ and myself.
“Merry-go-round”
“I began to feel like a clown juggling too many balls.
Each ball represented a problem I was keeping up in the air.
My arms were weary and I knew I couldn't keep on much longer, but I was not about to give up. My pride and ego wouldn't let me.
Bosses, judges, co-workers, lawyers, car notes, bar tabs, loan sharks, utility payments, landlords, my girlfriend, people I had double-crossed --
I looked to all these as the source of my problems, while overlooking the most basic problem: my drinking and myself.
I'd known for a long time that I desperately wanted off this merry-go-round, but I had no idea how to do it.” - Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 506
I do well remember when personally, and certainly talked with a couple of people today, who could have had the same quote, give or take a word or two! Can you relate to the passage?
If you can relate, want to get off the “Merry-go-round” that is your life today, but don’t know how, please get in touch. I have been fortunate to work with hundreds of others who after a conversation have found some answers to the question how- and there is no one size fits all. Please feel free to get in touch here or through khbray@hopeserenity.ca. It may just be time you spend that helps you to know how to get off your merry-go-round permanently. (On www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
इनपुट सौघ्त,Questions
SIMPLE QUESTIONS-WOULD APPRECIATE RESPONSES
You are a person who uses the internet for a purpose. You are at this sight and reading this.
I am sincerely seeking answers to a couple of questions because I honestly don’t have any where near all the answers. Your honest response would be appreciated and I promise; you won’t be put on any lists. Your responses will help change lives positively and will not be shared but used to enhance my knowledge.
1. Do you feel that you have a life that you are content with?
2. Do you know what a “happy” life would look like or feel like?
3. If NO to either, honestly, what holds you back from change?
I am trying to do a better job at reaching people who want to change. If you can afford the time, I’d love to know in as much detail as you care to give:
1. Have you experienced coaching? If yes what was the outcome?
2. What do you think life coaching is?
3. What would you need to know to even talk with a life coach?
Appreciate all the input I can get to better target my efforts and serve others. Answers will be picked up when you comment here or they can be emailed to khbray@hopeserenity.ca. Thanks in advance, you’ve helped somebody today!
You are a person who uses the internet for a purpose. You are at this sight and reading this.
I am sincerely seeking answers to a couple of questions because I honestly don’t have any where near all the answers. Your honest response would be appreciated and I promise; you won’t be put on any lists. Your responses will help change lives positively and will not be shared but used to enhance my knowledge.
1. Do you feel that you have a life that you are content with?
2. Do you know what a “happy” life would look like or feel like?
3. If NO to either, honestly, what holds you back from change?
I am trying to do a better job at reaching people who want to change. If you can afford the time, I’d love to know in as much detail as you care to give:
1. Have you experienced coaching? If yes what was the outcome?
2. What do you think life coaching is?
3. What would you need to know to even talk with a life coach?
Appreciate all the input I can get to better target my efforts and serve others. Answers will be picked up when you comment here or they can be emailed to khbray@hopeserenity.ca. Thanks in advance, you’ve helped somebody today!
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